Moosejaw Daily Madness

1. Did anyone see Bill Maher Friday night? Please don’t answer that. Please note, however, that when The Girl breaks up with me I’ll be calling Jamie Tarabay. She was one of the guests and I think she would like me. Or, maybe it’s that I would like her. Or, maybe I like her. You are way better off watching the show than looking for a pic of her online. The pictures do her no justice.

2. For the first time ever I left and drove to work without my lap top. Something is definitely wrong with me. Guessing it has something to do with Jamie Tarabay liking me. I called my analyst for an emergency meeting. More to come.

3. Number three jic.

4. First softball game of the year in three days.

Which US state first imposed a tax on cigarettes? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Paul McCartney.

Have a decent Monday please.

Love the Madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Joey Naylor: Why did you tell that reporter all your secrets?

Nick Naylor: You're too young to understand.

Joey Naylor: Mom says it's because you have dependency issues and it was all just a matter of time before you threw it all away on some tramp.

Nick Naylor: Well, that's one theory.



-Thank You For Smoking, imdb.com

Which Beatle officially announced the break up of the Beatles? Today is the last auto-reply day of the month. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from musicians who were not Beatles but likely saw bugs in their house. Please email me at
Trapper@moosejaw.com for this auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Alexander Graham Bell.

Have an amazing Sunday.

Love the Madness

Trapper

I have never test driven a car.

I got a kink (or something like a kink) in my neck and I can barely move. I have a heating pad on right now which is nice. Someone told me it is stress related which I believe because The Girl is out of town and I am getting no attention from anyone.

I have to go to a breakfast with humans tomorrow. Ruins the entire day today.

I*4

Who made the first telephone call? Today is an auto-reply day which is quite exciting considering it is the last Saturday of the month. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who may have been born in April. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this riveting auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Ben Hur.

Have an amazing Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl and I have lived together for almost five years. I just added napkins to the napkin holder thing for the first time. It wasn’t so bad.

I have a new betting theory for baseball betting. So far I am 0-1 using the theory. If it works I’ll tell you what it is. Betting isn’t legal. I only bet for fun.

If there is ever anything wrong with you, either mentally or physically, drink more coffee. I prefer espresso. That’s my advice for today. Also, as always, please never listen to anything anyone tells you about anything.

What film received the most Academy Awards before being tied by Titanic in 1998? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was rather controversial and I’d rather not get into it. I wouldn’t blame you for liking me even less than usual.

Have the best Friday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I’m giving away 500 Moosejaw Rewards Points with any Moosejaw JK tee today and tomorrow. Please click I sleep no more than three hours a night during the NBA and NHL Playoffs and I capitalize Playoffs to check it out.

After you place your order forward me your order number and I’ll add the Moosejaw points and confirm to you. That’s all.

Anon thought I could not tell the difference between a new and an old box of Lucky Charms so I did a taste test last night. I am pleased to announce that I got it right nine out of ten times and the one miss is under protest because of that other thing.

What was the name of Harvard University before the name was changed to Harvard? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Rasheed Wallace.

Have an okay Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I am making my coffee exclusively in a french press now. The coffee tastes about one thousand times better than in a normal coffee pot and I have a feeling the girls are going to be draped all over me when they hear about it.

Someone at Moosejaw posted a picture of a dead cat on our MySpace page. I didn’t see the picture but we got lots of complaints. Interestingly, I imagine if the cat wasn’t dead fewer people would have complained.

My advice for today is to take everything as a compliment and to not take any advice from anyone.

Idol was very good last night.

#5

I could not have been any worse at our first softball practice last night.

Today’s question comes from Chris who works in the Birmingham Moosejaw and was recently named the fourth best jouster at his knight club. Needless to say everyone at Moosejaw is quite proud. Who holds the NBA record for most technical fouls in one season? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Dan Rather.

Have an amazing Wednesday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

If you ever need shoes now is a decent time to check out the home page. If you get anything make sure you enter Supersale in the coupon code thing when you’re checking out so you get an extra 10% off the sale price. Please click I feel especially exploited today to check it out.

If I was waiting for a parking spot in a crowded lot and someone really big snuck in and got the spot before me I would probably do nothing and not even feel like a baby.

I think it’s important to search for an escape route any time you enter a building, house, etc.

Who replaced Walter Cronkite on the CBS Evening News? Today is the last auto-reply day of the week because I’m back tomorrow to ruin everything. Actually, I give myself too much credit…my return will return ruin half of everything. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from news people who aren’t named Larry or Peanut. Before you waste your time with the auto-reply please know that good quotes from news people are impossible to find so get ready to be bored. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply if you have nothing better to do.

Yesterday’s answer was Horton Smith.

Have a decent Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Entourage is too short. I’m about 1.73 meters. If you see anyone that height wearing a navy blue Moosejaw hat please assume it’s me and whip a nerf football at me as hard as you can.

Please assume I am not responsible for any possible harm that could come to anyone you throw anything at (even though had I put a period after the ‘at’ ten words ago this sentence would have ended in a preposition).

For no reason whatsoever we had breakdancers perform at our shop in Birmingham, Michigan over the weekend. I haven’t seen anything funnier since we had a mime perform in all the shops.

Section Four to take up space in a world marked by too few wrinkled pants.

Who won the first Masters golf tournament? This one will be really easy to get if you look it up but someone posed the question to me and I missed it so I am forced to use it. Today is a special surprise auto-reply day because I’m out of town. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Arnold Palmer, one quote from Jack Nicklaus, one quote from Tiger Woods and one quote from Paul Revere. The quotes are relatively boring but please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply if you have nothing better to do.

Yesterday’s answer was New York and Boston in 1884.

Have the best Monday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Max Fischer: So tell me Curly, how do you know Miss Cross?
Dr. Peter Flynn: We went to Harvard together.
Max Fischer: Oh that's great. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either.
-Rushmore, imdb.com

The first long distance telephone call was made between what two cities? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three made up quotes from three people I don’t know. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Kurt Cobain.

Have an phenomenal Sunday.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

My all natural sleeping pills don’t work anymore. Chemicals were invented for a good reason.

My blackberry broke 33 days after I bought it. Even though the people at the Cingular store agreed the new phone was broken they wouldn’t give me a new one because the in-store warranty only lasts a month. The manager even told me he sometimes extends the policy by a day but never two days. I told him he was right and left the store. Now I have to wait for Cingular to send me a new phone. Can you hardly?

A friend of mine made up a song about a goat. It starts something like... There’s a goat, goat, goat in my kitchen, in my bathroom, in my bedroom on my lawn. It’s a very good song.

What dead celebrity earns more money than any other? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will list every color I can think of that starts with the letters BL as well as a poem about the napkin from Madrid . Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Taiwan.

Have an amazing Saturday.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency…Jaime and Matt are engaged. This is the best news to be posted on the Daily Remark since the November 18, 1971 remark which marked the discovery of a red tug boat named Reginald.

Why do you have to try and top something nice like Jaime and Matt’s announcement? I typically feel the need to disrupt other people’s joy so that I am always the center of attention. It’s like asking the dishwasher why plates need to be cleaned before being put into the machine. You know what…it’s a little bit like being in love.

The word’s tallest building is in what country? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was red.

Have a decent Friday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Today is the last day to get up to 70% off lots of different Moosejaw stuff. Actually, tomorrow may be the last day. Please click I have never used an umbrella for my own benefit unless you consider holding an umbrella for a girl I wanted to go to france with using it for my own benefit to check it out.

This is my last Road House question. So sorry about it. In the movie Road House, Dr. Clay’s glasses, car and checkered dress were all the same color. What color were they? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Bonnie’s Diner.

Have the best Thursday of all times.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I watched Bill Maher On Demand last night and decided that I wanted to do something more productive with my time such as raise my voice about something that is wrong with the world. I had at least six ideas. This morning I decided all of that was a bad idea and that my potential contributions could only make the world dumber.

I am going to make Gatorade popsicles tonight.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
-Samuel Goldwyn

Is it I watched Bill Maher On Demand last night or I watched Bill Maher on On Demand last night? Please don’t answer that.

In the movie Road House, what is the name of the diner where Dalton and Dr. Clay have their first date? The answer is not the Double Deuce. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Knock on Wood.

Have an okay Wednesday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

This is a true story…someone told me I looked handsome yesterday. However, it wasn’t handsome like you’re a hunk and a half like Hasselhoff or Josh Hartnett or Freddy from Scooby Doo or Randall Pink Floyd. It was more like you’re not handsome but you look better than usual. It must have been the tight jeans or sparkle shirt.

The current home page is stunning and the promotion is decent if you need a pack. Please click I have no interest seeing your home page to check it out.

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-Albert Einstein

In the movie Road House, what song does Carrie Ann sing with Jeff Healy? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was New York in 1790. Really, the answer was just New York.

Have an incredible Tuesday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I asked The Girl’s sister if she just wanted to chill sometime. No work, none of her kids… just some time to hang and get to know each other a little better. She said No.

We are in the midst of our second Hold ‘em tournament at Moosejaw. I made it to the final table. I made it last time too. It’s all about the sunglasses.

I find that sometimes, when you think about love too much you can become blinded by the mere scent of a tingly conditioner.

How many times do I have to tell you… I want spicy mustard on my sandwich not plain yellow mustard.

The US Supreme Court convened for the first time in what city? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was three… Atlanta, Chicago and LA. The other two cities are London and Tokyo

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Jerry: What will you have to do with the university?

Beanie: Legally speaking there will be a loose affiliation. But, we will give nothing back to the academic community. As well as provide no public service of any kind. This much I promise you.

-Old School

How many of the top five busiest airports in the world are in the US? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people with the last name Jackson as well as a copy and paste from the July 1, 2005 Daily Remark. Please note the remark on that day was especially boring. Please email me atTrapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was George Washington.

Have an incredible Sunday please.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Someone told me that I wear my jeans too tight.

I was reading last night and enjoying my book but I hadn’t checked email in a while. For a moment I considered continuing to read and leaving my email for a little while and then I decided I was weak and that life is about suffering and sacrifice and run-on sentences and I checked my email. Who cares?

I can’t remember the last day I didn’t have an oreo flurry from McDonalds.

Which US President cast the first veto? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from Presidents who didn’t cast the first veto as well as a copy and paste from the January 22nd Daily Remark. Please note, the Daily Remark that day was particularly boring. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Athens, Greece.

Have the best Saturday ever.

Love the Madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I had to take a stress test on a treadmill yesterday. Before I knew what hit me the nurse shaved my chest 40 Year Old Virgin style. I thought about shaving my entire chest until I learned that Richard Gere did the same thing before filming Breathless in 1983. I made that up about Breathless and Richard Gere but I did start brushing my teeth in the shower after seeing that movie and I was the first person to complete the entire stress test at the stress test place in over a year. They for sure tell that to everyone.

The first modern Olympic Games began in what city? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was each states legislators.

Have an incredible Friday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

A couple Saturdays ago The Girl and I canceled plans so I could watch the Final Four. Last night The Girl asked if the people we canceled our plans with were mad. I explained that I didn’t know because I hadn’t talked to them. When I went on to explain that I had canceled plans via email and had no communication whatsoever since then The Girl lowered me from a four to a three in her book of how much she likes me. Please note all rankings in the book are out of seven.

Dear friend who we canceled plans with so I could watch the Final Four,
There can be zero chance you care but I am sorry to your girlfriend and your family.

Before US Senators were elected by popular vote who chose each states senators? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Carmel, California.

Have the best Thursday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I am pleased to announce the first point swapping day since James Polk discovered his pancreas was in the shape of a perfect rhombus.

If you need less than 500 Moosejaw Rewards points or if you have some Moosejaw points to give please email me and we’ll make some people who are close to getting something they love just a little bit happier today. As always, please keep in mind that the world is unjust.

Clint Eastwood was once mayor of what US city? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com This will be really easy to get if you look it up unless, of course, you are really bad at looking stuff up.

Yesterday’s answer was FDR. Frances Perkins became Secretary of Labor in the Roosevelt administration in 1933.

Have an incredible Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have the best contest ever this month. Please click I don’t think I’ve ever gone an entire day without wearing a hat to check it out.

The past two nights I was able to have my ice cream and Lucky Charms in bed and leave the bowl on the bed side table as opposed to being so compulsive that I had to get the bowl right into the dishwasher. I think this means my life has taken a turn which I’m actually uncomfortable with so I am already starting to obsess about garbage day tomorrow. Do people say bed side table? Please don’t answer that.

Paragraph Three simply to take up space and get attention to help fill some void.

Paragraph Four to help frame paragraph three appropriately.

The first woman to serve in a President's cabinet did so under whose administration? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Alabama in 1968.

Have the best Tuesday of the rest of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

How does a cold know to get worse at night than during the day? Please don’t answer that.

I saw the girl who I frenched for the first time last night. It was in sixth grade and I was dressed as He-Man and all of that is true except for that I didn’t really see her last night. Someone I was with did mention her name though.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what I can do to contribute to a better world.

The last scene in Swingers changed my life. I can’t explain why though.

Entourage is too short.

911 was first employed in what state? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was George Bernard Shaw.

Have a decent Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Oh come on, Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.

-Rocky, imdb.com

Who is the only person to win an Oscar as well as a Nobel Prize? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from three people whose last name starts with either the letter S or J. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this riveting auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Calvin Coolidge.

Have the best Sunday of your entire life.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The barista person at Starbucks this morning made eye contact with me for a really long time. It was a boy. I suppose he’s probably saying the same thing about me right now. Maybe not.

The Girl told me I should get my haircut because it will actually grow better if I do. I have heard that before. How does the root of the hair and my brain know the end of my hair got cut? Please don’t answer that and, more importantly, don’t believe anything anyone tells you about anything ever including this.

What president made the first radio broadcast from the White House? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a story about the race car, the restaurant and the bourgeoisie. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Santa Anna.

Please have a busy morning, a wonderful afternoon and a decent evening.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I’m going to the mall tonight to get some awesome new clothes.

Who was the general who led the Mexican troops at the Alamo? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Nathaniel Briggs.

Have an amazing Friday please.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I am better. Who cares? After throwing up 9,000 times I will never have Chinese food again.

For the first time since I was beat up by some local ruffians in tenth grade I am running low on Daily Remark questions. If you have anything interesting can you please email it my way?

This is a boring remark. At my old job they made us dance with a little crab when we were boring. The crab’s name was Hickory and he was a wonderful dancer.

Who patented the washing machine? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Vienna, Austria in 1927.

Have an alright Thursday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I threw up no less than 1,000 times last night. There is nothing worse than the gritty throw up feeling on your teeth after throwing up except maybe for throwing up. I have the flu. I am miserable. Why isn’t there medicine for the flu? Please don’t answer that.

The following is from Roger…I promised him I would include this remark the first time I threw up over 100 times in one night. Here we go…I just realized that tonight was the first time in 3 years that ive had the hiccups.... i dont know why but it is imperative that this be in the daily remark tomorrow.... best idea.

Where was Beethoven when he died? We’re looking for the city. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Hamlet in 1949. Really the answer was just Hamlet.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Last night, for the second time in a row I didn’t get carded. I am definitely getting botox.

If you ever need socks now is the time to get them. Please click I don’t need any socks to check it out.

Jerry Seinfeld was recently honored as a great comedian (or something like that) on HBO. The show is boring but his acceptance speech is worth seeing. I do think he stole some material from me unless it’s libelous for me to say that. If you see the acceptance speech and recall my Daily Remark from March 24, 2005 (which is below) I think you’d agree.

March 24, 2005 - Thursday
I don’t think it would be that hard to be an actor. But if you don’t recall Pacino in the Godfather when he kills Solotso and Captain Mcclusky in the Italian restaurant you should rent the movie tonight. Bravo I say.

What was the first British film to win an Oscar? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Tony Blair in 1998. Really the answer was Tony Blair. I just threw in that 1998 part just for fun.

Have a phenomenal Tuesday but if you pass this along to someone else please spell phenomenal incorrectly.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

My back always hurts after I run because I don’t stretch enough. So, I usually ask The Girl to step on my back. It takes about ten seconds and is about as much effort as walking. Last night The Girl wouldn’t step on my back. At first I was upset but now I feel like she took a step for all women who have been subjected to the same effortless ten seconds and I support her decision. We will be organizing some sort of march on Carson City, Nevada in the very near future. Please look forward to more details soon.

Who was the first British Prime Minister to speak to the Irish Parliament? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was A Study in Scarlet.

Have the most amazing Monday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com