Moosejaw Daily Madness

• This whole Leap Year thing is ridiculous.


• Please skip this section.


• Please see the previous bullet point.


• Please see bullet point 2.


• Please see the previous bullet point.


• Please see bullet point 3.


• Please see bullet point 2.


• See what I mean about the Leap Year now.

What two college football teams have won national championships since 2000? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a list of every Founding Father born on February 29th as well as a quote from Paula Abdul. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Rick Rubin.

Have the best Friday in history please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency…I got messed up on the garbage schedule this week and failed to take the garbage out. I can see my neighbors picketing outside my house. I see the mayor lambasting me upon my arrival home and people with torches and rifles.

Being invisible is the best.
-Son of the Invisible Man, Amazon Women on the Moon

Who did MTV call the most influential producer in the last 20 years? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the organ.

Have an awesome Thursday and I never say awesome. Actually, I say it every once in a while but I rarely type it.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Please check this out when you’re bored. It was posted on CNN yesterday…

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/25/porter.too.pretty.to.fly.wtsp

Albert Schweitzer played what instrument? This is the Albert Schweitzer who founded a hospital in Gabon and not the Al Schweitzer who did fourteen beer bongs at the Auburn-Alabama game last year. Please email your answer to me at
Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was PIL or Public Image Limited.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Why is it always bake at 350? Also, do you really think you need Baking Soda in the fridge? I’ve been spending a lot of time in the kitchen lately because I’ve been making my own lunch (which is bad for me and The Girl is actually quite embarrassed to have to put me through it) and I’m certain the kitchen conglomerate has got to be taking advantage of us all. I will be working on some kind of protest in DC for this coming April. Please look forward to more details soon.

• Dear The Girl – I made up that whole embarrassed thing and I have never loved you more.

• I don’t think this remark makes sense at all. Fortunately, almost everything is impossible to understand…Homer and Shakespeare and Mulholland Drive, for example.

Jonny Rotten was the front man for what band after the Sex Pistols? Please email your answer to me at
Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Stillwater and the one song I thought of was Fever Dog.

Have an okay Tuesday.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

According to my people, as of July, 2007 there were 301,139,947 number of people in the US. So, if you make 1,000 mad at you a day then, assuming the population doesn’t grow, it would take ten years to even make one percent of the population mad at you. Basically, we can all afford to offend more people. In light of that please enjoy the following short poem which is dedicated to Melvin and Paula…

There are so many ways to enjoy a day.
With people.
With books.
Dare I say, without people.
Let’s not spend time trying to make the present so great.

I apologize to everyone who had to read that poem…especially Melvin and Paula.

What was the name of the band in Almost Famous and name one song they sang and do it without looking it up. Or don’t. Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a bit of advice as well as how many necklaces I’m wearing right now. Please email me at
Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was 2.

Have the best Monday of your life.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Joey Naylor: ...so what happens when you're wrong?
Nick Naylor: -Whoa, Joey I'm never wrong.
Joey Naylor: But you can't always be right...
Nick Naylor: -Well if it's your job to be right, then you're never wrong.
Joey Naylor: But what if you are wrong?
Nick Naylor: -OK, let's say that you're defending chocolate, and I'm defending vanilla. Now if I were to say to you: 'Vanilla is the best flavour ice-cream', you'd say:
Joey Naylor: No, chocolate is.
Nick Naylor: Exactly, but you can't win that argument... so, I'll ask you: so you think chocolate is the end all and the all of ice-cream, do you?
Joey Naylor: It's the best ice-cream, I wouldn't order any other.
Nick Naylor: -Oh! So it's all chocolate for you is it?
Joey Naylor: Yes, chocolate is all I need.
Nick Naylor: Well I need more than chocolate, and for that matter I need more than vanilla. I believe that we need freedom. And choice when it comes to our ice-cream, and that Joey Naylor, that is the defintion of liberty.
Joey Naylor: But that's not what we're talking about
Nick Naylor: -Ah! But that's what I'm talking about.
Joey Naylor: ...but you didn't prove that vanilla was the best...
Nick Naylor: I didn't have to. I proved that you're wrong, and if you're wrong I'm right.

-Thank You For Smoking

How many stars are in the Starbucks logo? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a list of every word I can think of in a thirty second time frame that begins with the letter K. Please email me at
Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Michael Jordan.

Have an outstanding rest of Sunday and we rarely say outstanding.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

A friend of mine emailed me last night that he got in a fight with his girlfriend and needed to stay at our house. I got his email when I was at dinner so I emailed him the code to our garage and where in the garage we hide the key to our house. The problem is that I thought he was joking so I gave a fake code. We don’t even have a key to the house hidden in our garage. Ooops.

Who said “How you gonna beat me? You’re wearing my shoes.” Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from people who are from Australia and one quote from Jack Paar. Please email me atTrapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the Navy.

Have the best Saturday since Saturday, August 11th, 2007.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

An inspector from the city is at Moosejaw this morning. They’re testing the alarms and the fire alarm is going off every other minute. I’m enjoying it and was hoping it could be louder. But, it isn’t great for answering phones. So, I asked the inspectors if they could come back a different day. One of the people was so mad that I thought he has going to kill me. He said ‘If I leave you’re all leaving here with me.’ I hope he gets the flu today and is throwing up for a month straight. I also hope he’s not reading this.

Richard Nixon served in what branch of the military? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a short poem about a bug named Kiko. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Velvet.

Have a decent rest of Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Someone recently emailed me that she couldn’t stand it when people talked about subjects that they really know nothing about and that she appreciates the Remark because I know nothing about anything and don’t pretend to. While I’m not positive it was a compliment I certainly took it that way.

ssb

The Czech Revolution that led to the downfall of Communism in Czechoslovakia was better known as the (blank) Revolution? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Galileo.

Have an okay Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have a new contest posted on the site. I’m not sure if, technically, it’s a contest but it certainly gave me an excuse to type ‘technically.’ Please click I’d Like My Sandwich with Lots of Extra Bologna to check it out.

Who discovered Jupiter’s four largest satellites? I think satellites are moons. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Nixon.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Sometimes I feel like I should wear a scarf and sometimes I feel like I should go right to the ascot. If you need to know the history of the ascot please click Ascot City. Also, please note this is the first time I’ve ever been able to create the link from my text to the web myself. I just learned the whole hyperlink thing. I wish I never knew how to do it. I wish I was a rock or piece of sand.

Which US president ordered the development of the space shuttle program? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Massachusetts.

Have an okay Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency... a girl told me I looked buff this morning.

What US state was the first to introduce a minimum wage law? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from painters not named Raoul. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Ohio State University.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Several days ago, The Girl and I decided not to trade any presents for Valentines and then both of us ended up getting each other gifts anyway. That’s a bad sign and I’m certain to get dumped any moment. I’ve already decided that I’ll be done with relationships altogether. But, I picture The Girl with some gorgeous Hasselhoff-type dripping in medallions on the promenade in Cannes, talking about chairs and ice cream…so much joy.

What college football team has been to the most consecutive bowl games? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from someone who has the initials OW and it won’t be Orville Wright. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Longacre Square.

Have a phenomenal rest of Friday. Really.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Happiest Valentine’s Day ever. I celebrated by putting a fork in the microwave by accident this morning. It wasn’t that bad so I’m thinking it could be an urban legend type thing. Remember when everyone thought the earth was the center of the universe? Please remember to never ever listen to anything I say especially this remark. In fact, please assume everything anyone tells you is made up.

What was Times Square called before being called Times Square? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was 35 millions dollars worth.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Our current home page is worth checking out. Please click I’m not a very good dancer to check it out.

• I like the dregs of any coffee or wine.

• Please listen to You Can’t Always Get What You Want and pay special attention to the end when the drums kick in…gets no better. Sorry for saying kick in.

How much was the gold worth that the boys in the Italian Job stole? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Netherlands.

Have the greatest Wednesday in history aside from three Wednesdays ago.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I don’t like the word Doting.

According to my people, what is the most cabled country per capita in the world? Cable means cable like Comcast or Cablevision type cable. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was red.

Have an okay Tuesday please.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

If you forgot about Valentines you should pretend that it’s a bad holiday but still give a verbal card. You might want to say the following…

Today might be Valentine’s Day for the rest of the world but for us it should be a day to enjoy each other’s company in silence. Let’s watch sports and just think about love. And, let us not worry about today…the present is too fleeting. Instead, let’s think about the wonderful Valentine’s we’ve had before and about the Valentine’s Day we can enjoy next year. I have never loved you more.

What color magic marker did Travolta use to mark Uma in Pulp Fiction? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who wore a hat a lot. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the rafflesia.

Have the best Monday of your life.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

General Tagge: What of the Rebellion? If the Rebels have obtained a complete technical reading of this station, it is possible, however unlikely, they might find a weakness and exploit it.
Darth Vader: The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands.
Admiral Motti: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they have obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.
Darth Vader: Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
Admiral Motti: Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerous ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress...
[Vader makes a pinching motion and Motti starts choking]
Darth Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
-Star Wars

What is the world’s single biggest flower? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will list three quotes from people who are either dead or no longer alive. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Flamingo.

Have an okay Sunday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl and I went out with friends last night. Toward the end of dinner someone mentioned she thought I was being subdued and the group tended to agree. I don’t even know what that means but I assume I wasn’t remotely fun. I always questioned my looks but I’ve thought that my personality was alright. Now I assume I’m f*cked every way. Earmuffs.

The 1960’s version of Ocean’s 11 was filmed at what Vegas hotel? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will list every city that has started a Daily Remark group so far in 2008. We’ll also list the organizations that have been shut down. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the personal computer.

Have the best Saturday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I got a kink in my neck and it couldn’t be any worse. Last night I took a vicodin. At first it was great but then I got terribly drowsy and nauseous and actually had to get in bed. The moral of all of this is four-fold.

1. Do anything to be able to say four-fold.
2. Don’t do drugs that have a downside.
3. Don’t get a kink in your neck.
4. Remember that without love we are nothing more than people.

Thank you for your time today.

In 1982, Time Magazine’s Man of the Year wasn’t a human at all. What was the Man of the Year? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include the names of every dog and every turtle I have had the pleasure of living with. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply even if I did end the previous sentence with a preposition.

Yesterday’s answer was Louis' in the Bronx. Actually, the answer was just Louis'.

Have a really good Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have the best contest ever this month. Please click Thank you for finally writing a short remark to check it out.

The following section is written for a group of frogs from Nevada. If you’re not a frog please ignore…

Dear Frogs, Let’s get together to talk about Super Tuesday as soon as possible. Meet at the Kirigi Bar near Uncle Ottie’s place tonight at 7:30 and please, please, please bring extra shoes.

According to my people, some super survey indicated that Bill Gates is the world’s most admired CEO. Who came in second? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Blade.

Have a great Wednesday. Plain old great.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Click here to check out the Insert Button on my keyboard. Really it’s not my keyboard. I’m relatively obsessed with not understanding the purpose of the insert button. I looked up a bunch of articles on the internet about it and it is clear that most human people find it nothing more than an annoyance. Really, it wasn’t a bunch of articles but it was one.

I wanted to keep the remark concise today. If you prefer to waste more time please re-read paragraph one and then spin around a hundred times so you’re really dizzy.

If you get sick after making yourself dizzy please don’t blame me. Actually, forget the whole spinning thing please.

This remark is no longer short and I feel much better about everything because of it.

Eric Brooks is the real name of what movie Superhero? Please note he isn’t an official Superhero. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Louis IX.

Have an okay Tuesday… better than yesterday but not nearly as good as last Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

What a game. I can’t believe the Patriots were 18-1. A more disappointing season than the Lions. That might not be true.

Less importantly, we just put a lot of new Arcteryx stuff on sale. After gathering gear for the past seventy-two years I can finally say that almost everything I have is Arcteryx. Please click Who Could Possibly Care What You Have to check it out.

Ssb. Really.

Who was St. Louis, Missouri named after? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from the Winter Moosejaw Catalog which is sitting about five centimeters from my left pinky right now. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was a nurse.

Have an alright Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

QUINTUS
People should know when they're conquered.

MAXIMUS
Would you, Quintus? Would I?

[Maximus bends down and picks up a handful of dirt, bringing it
to his nose to smell. He looks to the side and sees his WOLF OF
ROME eagerly watching him. They steady their gaze as though
communicating with each other. Maximus rises and mounts his
horse, turning to Quintus and Valerius.]

MAXIMUS
Strength and honour.

QUINTUS
Strength and honour.

VALERIUS
Strength and honour.

MAXIMUS
At my signal, unleash hell.

During the Civil War, Walt Whitman volunteered as a nurse, barber or cavalryman? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will start off with some advice about granola and also include two quotes by people who I have never seen shower. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Great Britain.

Have the best Sunday of your entire life.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Is there anything worse than leaving Starbucks with your drink, sipping it five minutes later only to realize they swapped your coffee with someone else’s and you have to suffer through the day? The answer, of course, is that there’s a lot worse. For example, what happens if someone doesn’t like you and poisons your nalgene bottle overnight? Or, you just assume that no one likes you so you won’t even drink out of the nalgene bottle that you leave on your desk overnight. Lastly, what if you’re a nice cat and everyone mistakes you for a bottle of shampoo?

In World War II which country declared war on Japan first…the US or Great Britain? Today is a really good auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include the color of each pen on my table at work and, as special bonus, we’ll be listing the colors of the pens on the table of the lady who sits next to me. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Overlook Hotel.

Have a relatively decent Saturday.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I played cards last night. We played with fake money but I was a siv. I lost more fake money faster than anyone and the night was terrible aside from the fact that my friends and I are so mean to each other that a stranger might not be able to believe it. Also, most communication is done via text and email. Also, as always, one person was not allowed to talk the entire time. Please see the Poker Mute Rules from November 5th on your stalker-style Board of Daily Remark Things for more details. Also.

ssbitc

What was the name of the hotel in The Shining? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from the Shining, one quote from Clifford the Dog and the listing of one vegetable. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Plane Crazy.

Have the best Friday ever.

Love the Madness,

Trapper
Moosejaw.com