Moosejaw Daily Madness

• This bullet point goes out to all my ladies.

Who was considered America’s first billionaire? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Euripides and one quote from Cicero neither of which I understand. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was 1970.

Have a pretty good day after Christmas.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The only home page we do all year that I like is our traditional Christmas home page. Please click I’d Actually Like A Wedge Of Lime Please to check it out and have the greatest Christmas ever. Really.

Monday Night Football first started airing regularly on ABC in what year…1970, 1975 or 1980? Today is a special Christmas auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Rudolph and one quote from Plato. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Germany.

Have the best rest of the day.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I’m having dinner tonight and one of the human people is a super loud talker who tells the end of movies you haven’t seen yet and reads the remark every day. Here’s a letter I emailed to everyone I’m eating with…

I have an idea for tonight. How about we email or text each other during dinner instead of talking? If that doesn’t work for you perhaps we can bring paper and pens and write stuff to each other like people used to do back in the day. Regardless, I think it will be fun and new to have an all mute dinner. Everyone’s doing it for Christmas Eve especially. Or, another option is to cancel the dinner for everyone entirely. Thoughts?

According to something I just read, which western European country’s economy is the largest? Today is a super special Christmas Eve auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Frosty the Snowman and one from Einstein. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Holiday.

Have the best Christmas Eve day and night ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The heat in our house broke last night and it’s freezing. So, I turned the oven on and opened it up and warmed the kitchen. The Girl thought it was a terrible idea and turned the stove off but I still can’t figure out why. Our house is no warmer than the arctic right now.

What movie is Cameron Diaz prettiest in…the original Charlie’s Angels, Something About Mary or The Holiday? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Yuri Gagarin.

Have a decent Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency…We have three new tees at Moosejaw: The Baby Jeffie, the Dating Girl and the Trapper tee and I rarely use a colon thing.

We had a contest to see which tee would sell the best with no talk about it. I came in second to the Baby Jeffie. I’m fine with second place but if you’re bored and feel getting something please get a Trapper tee immediately. In fact, if you don’t get one no one will like you and you’ll probably ruin the holidays for everyone.

It’s 35% off right now and you get free shipping and I once got caught by the police for running on the field at Michigan stadium naked at night. That’s actually true and sorry for saying naked.

I preferred all of that previous stuff to have been in one paragraph but they made me break it up into three. Now four.

Who was the first human person to fly into space. Outer space. Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Eric Clapton and one quote from someone who is a mom. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Seattle.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I remember days like this when my father took me to the forest and we ate wild blueberries. More than 20 years ago. I was just a boy of four or five. The leaves were so dark and green then. The grass smelled sweet with the spring wind.
-Conan, Conan the Barbarian

What’s the largest city by population in the Northwest United States? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote about cats and one quote that isn’t about cats at all. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Al Gore.

Have an okay Sunday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl and I are taking bowling lessons together. Really we're not but I know someone else who's taking bowling lessons with his girlfriend and I wish I had thought of that.

Who signed the Kyoto Protocol on behalf of the US? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include on quote about love and one quote not about love. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was 26.

Have the best Saturday of your entire life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Nothing worse than getting an email from Victoria Secret and opening it and it's an advertisement about pants with ladies fully dressed for a business meeting or something like that.

• That's all.

• Section Three.

• Now that's all.

What's the median age for women in the US to get married for the first time... 26, 28 or 30? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today's auto-reply will include two movie quotes and a list of letters. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday's answer was Mike Krzyzewski.

Have a decent Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The following remark is a copy and paste from the remark I posted December 18, 2003. From now on every time a remark has a five year anniversary we’ll be posting it.

Someone had a pineapple at work yesterday and it was so good that I decided to buy a pineapple on my way home from work last night. I enjoyed actually buying the pineapple but I couldn’t figure out how to cut it. Neither my girlfriend nor my mom were around to call so I threw the pineapple away. All in all it was still a worthwhile experience. Love you all.

This question is new... Who was the head coach of the US Olympic Basketball team this past summer? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Shark Sandwich.

Have a sucky Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• The people who live across the street have had their empty garbages sitting on the curb at least thirty-six hours longer than they should. What I wouldn't give to be that easy going.
• The Girl and I went out with some of her friends last night. I asked someone how old she was and she said 26 and a half. The whole half thing is brilliant and I will never not use the half thing with my age again.
• That's all.

In the movie Spinal Tap a critic described one of Tap's albums as 'Shit Sandwich.' Which album was the critic referring to? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Modified Food Starch.

Have an amazing Wednesday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Try pronouncing sherbet. I propose we change the spelling from sherbet to sherbert. Needless to say, this is important. Please call your people.

Which is the second ingredient in a bag of Baked Lay’s... Dehydrated Potatoes, Sugar or Modified Food Starch? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Coliseum.

Have a pretty good rest of Tuesday but not great.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here’s a story. The prose is ancient Ottoman. I don’t even know what that means but enjoy...

A friend of mine was in from Chicago the past couple of days.
I didn’t see him while he was in town.
He left his iPod at a gym here in Michigan.
He knows I pass the gym going to work so he asked me to pick it up for him.
I don’t belong to the gym.
When I got to the gym the lady behind the desk sort of jokingly said she expected some sort of ransom for giving me the iPod back.
I gave her $10 and she actually accepted it.
My friend said he won’t repay me the $10 because I’m dumb for having given it.
I find his stance most respectable and I don’t want his $10.

The Flavian Amphitheatre is better known as what? Or maybe this would read... The Flavian Amphitheatre is now known as what structure? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Anderson Cooper and one quote about dreams that I don’t really understand. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs two hundred fifteen pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know who I am?
-Jason Bourne, The Bourne Identity

For the first time ever we have no question on the Daily Remark. There will be no auto-reply either. We’re doing this for several reasons none of which we can tell you about but it is all designed to make the world a little bit worse.

Yesterday’s answer was the Republican Party.

Have an alright Sunday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

About ten years ago I sat next to someone on a plane who had a golf ball in his socks and he was sort of pressing the golf ball into his feet. He said it was a great stress reliever. I tried it last night and it worked pretty well and I wasn’t even on a plane. Please note, that it did nothing to get rid of any stress but it felt pretty good. Also, I’m not sure if it matters but I’m terrible at golf and no one likes me and I’m have a terrible headache mostly because I drank last night and hit the crack pipe. That’s not true about the crack pipe. It’s not even funny. I would have hit the greens if I had some though. That’s all.

When Susan B. Anthony cast her first vote in 1872 did she vote for the Republican or Democratic ticket? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from a lady who is alive and one quote from a lady who is not. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The University of Washington.

Have the best Saturday of all times.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have no idea why but I enjoy nothing more than turning off the light outside our house every morning. I actually have to see the light go from lit to unlit outside to make the whole enjoy thing work. It’s somehow calming and most people don’t like to be calmed so please don’t try it yourself. Here’s how it works…I get to the light switch and think about the fact that I like turning the light off and then I think there’s something wrong with me because of it. I will be talking to my analyst immediately.

Territorial University later became what school? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes I don’t understand. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Mercury.

Have an alright Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We didn’t have traditional names for rooms in my house when I was little. Pretty much everything was named after the size of the tv. The big tv room, the little tv room, the no tv room, etc. The only reason I mention it is because I’ve never visited a country that begins with the letter J.

The Mariner 10 space probe was the first space probe to reach what planet? Sorry for saying space probe so many times. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was LaDainian Tomlinson.

Have an okay rest of Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Last night I said “well played” twice. As in someone played some sort of joke and I said “well played.” I don’t like that I said it. Who am I to say what is well played?

So, I think this is an opportune time to apologize for everything I’ve done that has ever offended you. I prefer this type of apology because it is really more about you than about me. I didn’t really say sorry. Instead I sort of said you’re being a little overly sensitive if whatever I did offended you. It’s the classic Napoleonic apology. I made that Napoleonic thing up but I’d use it if I were you.

Needless to say, I feel a lot of love in the room.

What active NFL running back has more touchdowns than any other? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Eisenhower.

Have an alright Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Dayton, Ohio Daily Remark Group will be closing due to lack of interest.

Who was the first Supreme Commander of NATO? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was No.

Have the best Tuesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Someone told me that if you get pulled over to play a little Wham and you won’t get a ticket. I got pulled over and I had no Wham to play so I got ticketed. It was for expired tags and the policeman said my record is so screwed up that he couldn’t even explain it so I had to go in the police car and look at the computer. Turns out I have old plates, no registration and lots of other stuff going wrong that I don’t really understand. My mom is going to fix it all for me. Love you mom.

Does the Mona Lisa lady have eye brows? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Da Vinci and one from my mom. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Portugal.

Have an okay Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Beautiful Aurelia, I've come here with a view of asking you to marriage me. I know I seems an insane person - because I hardly knows you - but sometimes things are so transparency, they don't need evidential proof. And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England.
-Jamie, Love Actually

Vasco da Gama was from what country? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from someone who isn’t alive and one quote from Teddy Roosevelt. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Yes.

Have the best Sunday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We are super excited to announce the first time the question for the day is also the remark. Here we go…

I spent the past forty hours deciding whether or not to put some song by The Fray on my iPod. I can’t recall the name of the song. The question is…do you think I put the song on my iPod or not? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a circular reference to something should I be able to figure that out. If I can’t figure it out we’ll go with an Abraham Lincoln quote. Obviously, this is super important. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Geneva.

Have an alright Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Last night the bottom of the garbage bag I was carrying opened up and garbage spilled everywhere. I yelled No as if I was watching someone kidnap one of my lovers. Then I cleaned it all up.

We have the best contest ever this month. Really. Please click here to check it out.

My right eye won’t stop twitching. I’m for sure dying. We all are I suppose.

The Red Cross was founded in what city? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from someone who has been to Australia and one quote from someone who was likely never in Australia. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Beaver Stadium at Penn St.

Have the best Friday of your life. Really.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Happiest Birthday ever to Sweet Daddy T.

And, Here’s a play...

Fade into me at a coffee shop ordering a drink

Me: May I have a lemonade please.
Lady at the counter: Do you want the organic lemonade or the lemonade with all the chemicals?
Me: I’d like the lemonade with all the chemicals but I’m guessing that had you pitched it differently I would have probably chosen the organic lemonade.
Lady at the counter: Why?
Me: I don’t know. Mostly because there’s something wrong with me.
Lady at the counter: Well now that we’re through all this do you want the organic stuff?
Me: No, thank you.

Fade out

Currently, what college football stadium has the most capacity? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Zaire.

Have a decent Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Sometimes when I’m around people that I think probably want to beat me up I pretend to be practicing some sort of martial art. I do it subtly so it seems believable. That’s all.

What country used to be named the Democratic Republic of Congo? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Adlai Stevenson.

Have an okay rest of Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Please don’t read the remark today. It’s awful.

Yesterday I had a McDonalds flurry thing at about 1.

At about 4 someone got me a cup of vanilla with a cone on the side from DQ. You can’t say no to that.

Then, I had to have my regular nightly ice cream in bed or I might die.

So, if you’re counting that means I had ice cream approximately three times yesterday. Why is this important? Well, according to some people, eating a lot of ice cream will make you slightly taller, more punctual, and a worse slow dancer and I can think of nothing more significant in a world marked by too much love.

Which US diplomat presented the satellite photographs to the United Nations that proved Soviet missiles were installed in Cuba? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was ExxonMobile.

Have the best Tuesday of your life please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• We have a really good promotion thing going on right now. If you’re super bored or you need to buy something please click here to check it out. If you happen to be super bored and need to buy something please do not click through.


• I need to open up about something. They said to not trust anyone who isn’t narcissistic and I’ve been running my life accordingly since I was a tot. However, I just realized that I don’t run every day to look better. I genuinely do it to feel better. I don’t even like myself because of it but I certainly recognize that this could change everything.
  In my humble opinion, in the nuclear world, the true enemy is war itself.
  -Hunter, Crimson Tide
  


• Please ignore everything above. I was challenged to use the word Tot and made up everything to get it in today.

In terms of revenue, what’s the world’s largest company? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from someone who has been to jail and one from someone who I’m not sure whether or not went to jail. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Taft.

Have an okay Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com