Moosejaw Daily Madness

Ulysses Everett McGill: Why are you telling our gals that I was hit by a train?

Penny Wharvey McGill: Lots of respectable people have been hit by trains. Judge Hobbie over in Cookville was hit by a train. What was I gonna tell them, that you got sent to the penal farm and I divorced you from shame?

Ulysses Everett McGill: Uh, I take your point. But it does put me in a damn awkward position, vis-a-vis my progeny.

-O Brother Where Art Thou

What is a group of rhinoceroses called? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include quotes from four movies that did not feature any rhinos. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was four.

Have an amazing New Year’s Eve. I’m thinking you’re second best ever.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• The Girl and I got an HD TV that came without speakers. I predict I don’t get the speakers for a month.


• I stepped on my glasses.


• Without my glasses I can’t tell the difference between the HD and the normal stations. I probably couldn’t tell with my glasses.


• Watching the TV with no sound while barely being able to see it isn’t so bad especially if you saw the new Will Smith movie.


• We put a lot of stuff on sale yesterday. Big deal.

How many cars are on a ten dollar bill? Today is the last Saturday auto-reply of the year. I know…it is beyond sad. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who I have never seen eat feta cheese. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was three. Star Wars, Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace and Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith.

Have the best Saturday you’ve ever had in your life.

Love the madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

With Spring approaching we have begun talking about softball again. I am already looking forward to boring everyone with game stats come April. Coach Indy has indicated he may be looking for a new short stop. Although my performance over the last few years speaks for itself I am going to start looking for a new job just in case. I have no skills other than dealing blackjack so please look for me in Tahoe sometime in early May. I will be the short one who looks like Aaron Burr.

How many of the Top Ten All Time Box Office Hits (based on US domestic gross revenue) are part of the Star Wars series? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the 1934 Chicago Bears.

Have a fantastic Friday please.

Love the madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have nothing to say today.

The team that went undefeated through an NFL season most recently is the Miami Dolphins. What team went undefeated most recently before the Dolphins? I hope that makes sense. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was 5.

Have the most incredible Thursday of your life.
Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We typically get complaints about our traditional Christmas home page so please click here to check it out when you’re bored. Aside from that I think today shouldn’t be about me. It should be about you. Unfortunately, I can’t think of anything to say so I’ll just leave it at that.

What did the Beatles call themselves before Ringo Starr joined the band in 1962? Today is the last auto-reply until the next one. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from movies that have a little Christmas something or other going. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Tennessee and Missouri.

Happiest Christmas to everyone and have the best Christmas since at least last Christmas.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I'm a superstitious man, and if some unlucky accident should befall Michael - if he is to be shot in the head by a police officer, or be found hung dead in a jail cell... or if he should be struck by a bolt of lightning - then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room; and then I do not forgive. But with said, I pledge - on the souls of my grandchildren - that I will not be the one to break the peace that we have made today.
-Don Coleone, The Godfather

What two states share borders with the most other states? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today's auto-reply will include four quotes from people who have never claimed to be my brother. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday's answer was Erik.

Have the best Christmas Eve ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Typically, they don't let me talk at Moosejaw. However, because of the holidays I got special dispensation from a city councilperson to talk to Cami. Cami is one of the world's best Daily Remarkers who has not spent time in prison. Here is a quick play from the end of our call…

Fade in…

Me: I have had to do auto-replies because we are so super busy that I actually have to work.
Cams: I really don't care.
Me: Okay. Bye.
Cams: Bye.

I'm sure the play doesn't do the call any justice but it was really funny and I have never respected Cami more. That's all.

In the original book, what was the phantom's name in the Phantom of the Opera? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today's auto-reply will include four quotes from people who are bald or mostly bald. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday's answer was Don Budge.

Have a fantastic Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I am not even going to try to answer emails today because I know I’ll be adding an auto-reply within about six minutes. So, today is an unscheduled scheduled auto-reply day…

The last time I posted this style of auto-reply was in 28BC. I was living in Rome and working as a host at a very popular brothel. Everyone referred to me as The Doorman. Toward the end of the year, the Senate had my name changed to the Doorperson. Of course I objected to the name change which was done strictly to appease Cicero. Mark Antony, who was a regular at the brothel, went to the Senate on my behalf and eventually my name was changed to Scott which seemed like a fair compromise because all parties were equally dissatisfied.

We are doing a Free $25 Moosejaw e-Gift Card with any $100 Moosejaw e-Gift Card. They’re E-Gift Cards so you can still get something in time for Christmas. Big deal.

Who was the first person to win tennis’ Grand Slam (all in one year)? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Q.

Have the best Friday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I don't think I have ever included a link to a video in the 1,148 days that I have done the Daily Remark. That's probably not true. Anyway, you have probably seen the following SNL skit but check it out just in case. Please note, that it will probably offend you, make you not like me and it is definitely r-rated so, regardless of your age, please check with your parents and six strangers before clicking through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eM15-fMbCU

My goatee couldn't look more awful. It is the mustache that messes everything up. The mustache and the rest of my face.

We still have the Overnight deal going. It will last until 12pm eastern time today.

This is the last Judith question of the week. What is the only letter that doesn't appear in the name of any US state? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was an elephant.

Have the most incredible Thursday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I saw the movie Pursuit of Happyness last night. It was very good. However, I couldn’t enjoy my slurpy because I kept having to move my straw around to get anything out of it and then I got a leak in my straw so I got nothing. There wasn’t one of those scooper things at the end of the straw either. Also, my entire leg fell asleep about halfway through the movie.

We have Free Overnight shipping for orders over $199 today and Overnight for $19.95 for orders under $199. According to my people this is the best shipping deal online. That may not be true but it is definitely in the top seven hundred deals online.

We just got new zip hoodies in stock and they are super cool. Click I had a giant moon on my wall when I was little to check them out. Or don’t.

Today’s question comes from Judith which is a perfect opportunity for me to make a correction to yesterday’s info. There are nine people in Arkansas who can finish a crossword faster than Judith. One of those people is planning a vacation to Hawaii in a couple weeks so I will email an update about all of it when his plane touches down on the big island. I don’t know what any of this means and I apologize to Judith. I apologize to the world. What is the only mammal that can’t jump? It is not a bat. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Afghanistan and Azerbaijan.

Have a decent Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Let’s talk about shaving. Okay. I didn’t shave for about a week for no reason. So, I have a little goatee going now. One girl at Moosejaw asked me if I lost a bet. Later in the day another lady told me she couldn’t look at me. I predict people mistake me for Burt Reynolds within the week…Smokey and the Bandit-style perhaps.

No one liked the Daily Remark yesterday and it was one of my favorites. A song about a cake...you can’t even make that up.

We are doing a Free Moosejaw Short Sleeve Tee II with any $99 purchase. All you need to do is place an order for $99 and add one of these tees to your cart and the tee will be Free. Click here to check it out if you’re bored. We also still have the 2-day air promotions.

I feel a lot of love in the room.
-Bill Blazejowski, Night Shift

Today’s question comes from Judith. Judith was recently named the Daily Remark person most likely to finish the New York Times Crossword faster than anyone who lives in Arkansas or Hawaii. Here we go…what’s the only nation that begins with an A but doesn’t end with an A? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Japan. The US was third.

Have the most amazing Tuesday you’ve ever had.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

While I was on a long drive on Saturday I was lucky enough to hear a rerun of America’s Top 40 from 1979. I feel compelled to share the lyrics to Donna Summer’s MacArthur’s Park which was something like the ninth most popular song of the year….

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

We’re doing 2-day air for $9.99 on orders under $199 and 2-day air for Free on orders over $199. Check the site for the codes. Or don’t.

In 2005 China produced more steel than any other country. What country produced the second most steel? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Marlboro Man.

Have the greatest Monday in history.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Lloyd Dobler: I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
Joe: By choice, man.
--Say Anything

In the book The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived who do the authors rank as the number one most influential person who never lived? This will be an easy one to look up but they said not to do it and to just guess instead. Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who are not bald. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Sitting Bull.

Please have an okay rest of Sunday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The remote control was on a chair about five feet from where I was sitting last night. I couldn’t get up to grab the remote to change the station and ended up watching some crazy show on The National Geographic station about a dog, elephant and dolphin being born. The show was called In The Womb. I am not recommending it to boys because when The Girl breaks up with me and I have to mention an interesting show to a random girl I want to be the only person who has ever seen it. As always, please note that no one likes me.

Who was the Sioux leader in the Battle of Little Big Horn? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include four quotes from the movie The Royal Tenenbaums. Why not, right? Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Milan , Italy.

Have an incredible Saturday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We just got our first Moosejaw poster. Please click My friend once shaved his eye brows for no reason to check it out. I have not decided if I am going to frame my poster in mahogany or in matte black. Here’s my question… Right now if you purchase $25 of Moosejaw stuff (tees, a hoody, etc.) and add the poster to your cart you get the poster for free. We want to send a mailer to our entire list with the offer but we think it may be too risqué. Can you please click here to check out the mailer and let me know if you think we should send it to everyone or not? As always, we call this a totally unprofessional survey.

And today’s real question… Where was Fabio born? We are looking for a city and this is important. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Chile.

Have the most fantastic Friday of your entire life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We are doing Buy 2 Shorty Hoodies and Get 1 Free. The product description for the Shorty is below in italics and is worth reading if you're bored.

Did you see the George Clooney special last night? He is to die for.

The Girl and I got the mailman, the UPS people and the garbage men pictures of me on a rollercoaster for Christmas. I imagine they will be ecstatic.

I wanted to name this hoody the Finally instead of the Shorty but I got turned down. I was so afraid of rejection after my devil of a girlfriend in college cheated on me that I could barely bring myself to even try to work it at the bar. Fortunately, enough girls wanted to go to france with me that I was okay. Did I just say that? The Shorty is the first hoody ever made for men, boys and humans 5'8 and under. I am 5'7" but my license says 5'8". One time someone at Starbucks referred to me as the short one. I took it as a compliment. I prefer to take everything as a compliment.

What country is home to the driest place on earth… a place that has seen virtually no rainfall ever? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was Kobe Bryant.

Have the best Thursday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have my new favorite Moosejaw hoody ever. It is called the Thinny and it is amazing because, oddly enough, it is thin. I am giving 500 Moosejaw points for anyone who gets a Thinny today or tomorrow. Just email me your order number after you place your Thinny order and I’ll solve the rest. As always, this is for Daily Remark people only so please feel especially exploited.

I usually listen to the news on the way to work in the morning. This morning I listened to music. More specifically, I listen to the real jazz station on xm. I feel a little more relaxed and at peace with myself and the world. I am hoping that feeling goes away really soon.

No bullet points today. Thank you.

Wilt Chamberlain scored more points in an NBA game than anyone else. Who scored the second most? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Norman Thomas.

Have the greatest Wednesday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have a slight problem. I actually have a lot of problems but this one happens to be a slight problem. As you may know I have stopped using the exclamation point. I feel it is overused and has become meaningless. But, when someone emails me something like "Happy Holidays!" and I reply with simply "You too" I look terrible. If I reply with "You too. I would have used an exclamation point but I have stopped using them" I seem like a terrible person. So I have resolved to add a picture of a goat in lieu of an exclamation point until the springtime.

Who has run for President more times than anyone else? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was Worldcom.

Have an incredible Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Fade into me on the phone talking to my mom after having borrowed her car for a week.

My Mom: There’s a big scratch on the front of my car. Did you hit something?
Me: Probably.
My Mom: What do you mean? You don’t know? Was it really The Girl and you are trying to protect her?
Me: No. She didn’t drive your car. I probably hit the garage or scraped the side of the house or something like that. I really don’t remember.
My Mom: Okay. No one loves you like your mother.

Fade out.

Which company had the largest bankruptcy… Enron, Worldcom, or Texas Instruments? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was K2.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• The _ key n my cmputer is dwn. If yu ever wanted t picture a wrld with n _’s tday is yur day. S far, I think it is ging really well.


• There is a special abut U2 n HB right nw. If yu have the exact same taste as me it is very gd.


• Mudder was the first human t win the Threads thing. 6 mnths f Free Mjsejaw Tees n the huse. Frm all f us wh have n _ key… nice wrk Mudder.

Ukraine is the largest cuntry in Eurpe. Which cuntry is secnd largest? Please email yur answer t me at Trapper@msejaw.cm.

Yesterday’s answer was Crnell.

Have the best Friday ever.

Lve the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here's a play

Fade into our kitchen.

The Girl: I can't believe you didn't tell me about the Internet Retailer top 50 thing.
Me: We weren't allowed to release the information early.
The Girl: You weren't allowed to tell me?
Me: No.
The Girl: I'm not helping clean.

Fade out.

Today's question comes from Julie in Kentucky. I promised her I would use her question if I missed it. I got it right but we had such lovely email banter that I decided to use her question anyway. Here we go… Carl Sagan was a professor at what university? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was Hydra.

Have an absolutely incredible Thursday. Absolutely.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Internet Retailer named Moosejaw.com one of the Top 50 best retail sites in the world. Please click on I Bet No One Clicks On This to check it out.


• I have been drinking espresso every night before dinner. My nights have been so good that I have a feeling that caffeine could lead to world peace. I can’t fall asleep but that’s beside the point.


• Is there anything better than the smell of Windex after dinner? Please don’t answer that.

What is the largest of the eighty-eight recognized constellations? Or 88, if you prefer. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was The Sirens of Titan.

Have the most outstanding Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• We just added a Moosejaw Tee Shirt of the Month Club Thing called Moosejaw Threads. Please click Penelope Van Robinson to check it out. More importantly, we’re giving away a Threads package for Free everyday. Click I Love Zebras More Than My Toes to check it out and sign up.



• We got a new table at home. The Girl is making me use coasters and placemats. I covered the new table with saran wrap before dinner last night. No one thought it was funny except for me.



• I saw the Monkees and Weird Al in concert once.

According to the back flap of one of the books I’m reading right now what Vonnegut book ‘first captured America’s attention’ in 1959? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Syracuse, Maryland and Florida.

Have the best Tuesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• We had our Moosejaw holiday party last night. I thought I was going to be a great bowler but I wasn't. Everytime I went to bowl I was certain I was going to get a strike but I didn't. I bowled a 110. I do think that if I started bowling everyday from here on out I could go pro. I was about to say that I have missed my calling but I think I am going to leave Moosejaw and either start training for the PBA or join the rodeo. I would probably be so happy.


• I had a flight booked for the National Championship and a hotel room booked too. Do you think that if I called the BCS they could change things up to fit my schedule? Please don't answer that.


• I have no O button on my keyboard anymore. It's not that annoying.


• I cannot have any lotion near my palm. It makes for dry hands in the winter and lots of people not liking me.


• About six years ago someone told someone else they thought I was cute and it got back to me. After playing the game operator yesterday I am convinced they really said 'dinosaurs are really big.'

According to Dr. Cheese, since 1936 (when the NCAA began utilizing the AP poll to detemine the Division I football championship) what six colleges have won an NCAA Basketball Championship as well as an undisputed National Championship in football? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was eight to one.

Have a decent Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Napoleon once said when asked to explain the lack of great statesmen in the world, that "to get power you need to display absolute pettiness; to exercise power, you need to show true greatness." Such pettiness and greatness are rarely found in one person... Laine Hanson has asked that I allow her to step aside. She asked me to do this because she wants my presidency to end on a note of triumph and not controversey. Understand those of you who worked to bring Laine Hanson down, that she asked to have her name withdrawn from consideration, NOT because she isn't great, but because she isn't petty. Because those two forms of leadership traits could not live in her body or her soul. Greatness. It comes in many forms, sometimes it comes in the form of sacrifice - that's the loneliest form.

-President Jackson Evans, The Contender

What does the Hard Ten pay out at most casinos? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today's auto-reply will include four quotes from movies that have something to do with a casino. I know… riveting. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday's answer was North, East, West and South.

Have a decent Sunday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Professor's Lingo is a pretty good section of the site which I have never talked about before. Please click I Have Never Done Time But It Doesn't Look So Bad As Long As You Are Okay With Lots of Bread and You Like Working Out to check it out.


• If UCLA beats USC I will be happier at least for a few minutes. They have no chance. I just said 'they have no chance' hoping that they will have a chance because I said that. Very good chance this works.


• I haven't downloaded a new song onto my iPod in almost two years. I pretty much listen to Home Sweet Home over and over again and that's about it.

According to Matt, the word NEWS originated as an acronym for what four words? By the way, I am fairly certain this Matt is either Matt Lauer or Matt Pearl, who was the best soccer player in my neighborhood when I was six. Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today's auto-reply will include four quotes from newspeople. Please email Trapper@moosejaw.com for this super exciting auto-reply.

Yesterday's answer was Nebraska, Mississippi, Wisconsin and Missouri.

Have the greatest Saturday in history.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Today's Daily Remark is a special guest Daily Remark from Ellen who specifically requested I use the word "Daily" no less than three times in my introduction. Here we go.

I am Ellen and you used my question on the 4th of July and you used my mom Sarah's question on Thanksgiving. This makes us one lucky family. So we started the Delta, PA Daily Remark Club over Thanksgiving. All 5 family members make up the club. We're getting tshirts printed. We'll send you a picture when they're done. And maybe another question for Christmas. Love the madness!

Ellen

Today's question comes from Kristen. I don't want to overstep my bounds but I think Kristen could not have been any cuter in the movie Wimbledon. What four US states have capital cities named after US presidents? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was Ford.

Have the finest Friday you have ever had in your life please.

Also, please note that I know it was Kirsten and not Kristen in Wimbledon but I couldn't think of anything else to say. Kristen - I hope you don't hate me that much.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com