Moosejaw Daily Madness

Total emergency... either someone stole my cell phone last night or I lost it. I’m going to go with the Someone Stole It version. I’ve called my phone nine thousand times trying to find it but I’m hoping someone picks it up and asks for a ransom and I do some detective work and find the person in one of the local bordellos and call my swat team for some swift phone retrieval operation. Or something like that.

What is the largest city in the Southern Hemisphere? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was four.

Have a great Saturday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I had to buy my own hair stuff for the first time yesterday. Here are some comments about my hair with the new concoction...

“It looks a little thin. You need to dry it more before you put the hair stuff in.” – Girl who sits two seats away from me.

“I think you look like a young Mike Brady when he had the curly hair and I agree that it looks thinner than usual right now.” – Person who is a boy who sits across from me.

How many times has Venus Williams won Wimbledon? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was from fish.

Have an amazing Friday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

First person in the world to somehow email me proof that it’s your birthday today gets a Free Moosejaw Hoody. As soon as someone wins I’ll send another email saying that you didn’t win.

What was the first type of glue made from? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was the black mamba.

Have a great Wednesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I saw The Hang Over last night. I recommend seeing it immediately and I haven’t gone with an Immediately since recommending Bring It On and Memento in 2000.

Why does hot water freeze faster than cold water? This could be the hardest question I’ve asked since March 4th, 2003 so don’t feel bad if you miss it. Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was the black mamba.

Have a great Wednesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here’s a play what happened last night…

Fade into me getting a coffee and seeing one of my mom’s friends.

Friend: Hey. How’s that girlfriend of yours?
Me: We broke up a couple months ago.
Friend: So sorry. She was cute. You were going out with her forever.
Me: I’m not sure when the last time you saw her but she’s not that cute anymore. Really that’s not true but I’m living my life as if it is.
Friend: Are you seeing anyone else.
Me: No but I’m considering becoming a sous chef.
Friend: Oh.

Fade out.

What kind of a snake does Darryl Hannah let loose in Kill Bill Volume 2? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was the tern.

Have a good Tuesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have to go to a Fourth of July parade in a couple weeks. Every day between now and then will be ruined. You shouldn’t be allowed at a parade if you’re older than about eight I’m thinking.

I think I got my new car this week last year. I’ve never washed it. I’ve never changed the oil or anything like that either. I did remove that one thing that’s supposed to make the car go faster. Really I didn’t but I remember people used to talk about removing some thing to make their car go faster. I can’t remember what that thing was though.

I’m in a really good place these days.

Section four.

Which animal undertakes the longest migration each year... the arctic tern, gray whale or pacific herring? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Australia.

Have a decent Monday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Ah come on, Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.
-Rocky

What continent doesn’t have a river in the top twenty longest in the world? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Marcel.

Have an amazing Sunday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Bologna

On the TV show Friends, what was the name of Ross’ monkey? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was a bear.

Have a decent Saturday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I usually listen to ESPN or CNN in the car. Last night, on the way home from work, I decided to listen to music to see if it would be more relaxing than talk. I think it worked so I’m going to try it again this morning. Actually, I don’t like to be relaxed in the morning so please ignore all this.

What kind of animal has a rhinarium? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com. Yesterday’s answer was Orpah.

Have an amazing Friday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency... we have the best contest ever this month. Please click here to check it out. More importantly, once you click through check for the Best Hair Pod at Moosejaw. It’s the only funny thing we’ve ever done.

What name was Oprah Winfrey born with? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Superman.

Have a decent Thursday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I had to go to a baby naming thing last night. I didn’t realize I was supposed to dress up. I was in a tee shirt, shorts and a hat. The next worst dressed person was wearing a white tuxedo. I think that covers it.

Every episode of Seinfeld contained an image or reference to which super hero? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply of the best kind. Yesterday’s answer was white.

Please remember that I’ll never see the email that you’ve just sent. So, if you need something supes important, email service@moosejaw.com.

Have an alright Wednesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency – We have this friend thing for $4.44 in Moosejaw Points going on Facebook. Please touch your left elbow to your nose and the read the mess of stuff below which is copied and pasted from a Moosejaw email so you’re all looped. That’s all.

I for sure have what the Chileans call "el mal aliento". Basically, it's a friendship disorder that's usually cured by drinking a few pints of coconut beer then followed up by a long "talking to" by a village elder. Since I don't live in Chile and Carl Jung is dead, I deal with my disorder the same way everyone does, Facebook.

I'm a super-needy human and need to have at least 10,001 fans of Moosejaw on Facebook to justify wearing a linen shirt with the top 2 buttons undone. I've sunken to a new low and am willing to bribe people to be our fan.

On Sunday, I'll have a post on our Facebook Page. I'm guessing it'll be mostly about my hair. I'll give away 444 rewards points for anyone who "Likes" the post and comments back with their email address. That's like $4.44 to spend at MoosejawRewards.com. It's that easy. After your points have been added I'll remove your email address from the post.

What is the required color for tennis attire at Wimbledon? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Lady Tremaine.

Have a terrific Tuesday and they rarely say terrific.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency... a new neighbor gets his garbage out before me. It’s super troubling considering that getting the garbage out is the only thing I’m good at. I’ve already talked to him about it and I have a meeting with the neighborhood mayor tomorrow night. So, more to come. In the meantime I hope no one finds a new girlfriend before I do.

What is the Evil Stepmother’s real name in Cinderella. You can thank intern Tim for this question. He’s amazing. Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was 14.

Have a great Monday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Please, we're in public.
-Curly Sue

How old was Mila Kunis when she auditioned for That ‘70’s Show- 14, 15 or 16? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com. Yesterday’s answer was Yorba Linda, CA.

Have a decent Sunday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Last week I mentioned that I’ve become a planter. Well, I don't understand the obsession with weeds. Some of the weeds look better, or at least as good, as the flowers. I'll be pulling no weeds in my garden. I'm leaving the ugly ones too so that there's some variety, competition and self-interest. Communism doesn't work in a garden.

What city was Richard Nixon born in? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Great Britain.

Have a good Saturday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• I saw Vickie Christina Barcelona last night. The girls all have some ridiculous cases of the pretties and the cinematography is wonderful but aside from that it wasn’t all that good.
• I really don’t know anything about cinematography. I wouldn’t even pretend to if I was talking to a girl. The scenes in the movie of Spain are pretty though.
• After the movie I watched about half of this cheerleading show which was really good - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1191113/.
• Then I sat just there.

What is the third largest of the Great Lakes by volume? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Sir Edmond Hillary and Tenzing Norgay.

Have the best Friday ever.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

From now on I’ll be making up remarks about stuff that I hope happens to me in the future. I’m sort of going to tell what I’m going to do instead of what’s already happened. I think it’ll be quite inspiring. This would be an example...

Tonight I’m going to think about the best way to execute the whole future thing idea without it sounding like The Secret. Perhaps I’ll write about a hope for the future that for sure won’t happen instead of the, sort of, If You Build It They Will Come model.

I just re-read all of this and it makes almost no sense. I think this is going to turn out really well.

Who were the first two people to successfully summit Mt. Everest? When I say successful, I mean came down alive. Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was the Los Angeles Coliseum.

Have a great Thursday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I bought flowers to plant outside my house last night. I'm not joking.

I was going to say that I was doing so that a girl would like me better but that's actually not true. I'm planting 'em because I thought it would be a nice activity and I don't have a single hobby.

Someone this morning told me I have to get mulch too. I've heard of mulch but I didn't really know what it was so I looked it up and I don't believe you actually need it so I'm planting without it and hope to break up the mulch racket with my experiment.

That's all.

What is the only stadium to host an Olympics, a World Series, and a Superbowl? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was six gallons.

Have a great Wednesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency. I just got the following from the human person who runs all the Twitter stuff at Moosejaw. I have no idea what any of it means but hopefully you do…

We've been nominated to get one of our tweets (@MoosejawMadness) made into a Threadless Twitter Tee. What we need now is people to follow the link and click "Heck Yes, I would wear this tweet on a tee" If we get enough votes Threadless will make a t-shirt with our tweet on it available for purchase at Threadless.com.

http://thrdl.es/~/9bT

How many gallons of water can an elephant hold in it’s trunk- 3, 6 or 10 gallons? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Kazakhstan.

Have a decent Tuesday. Just decent.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I was hoping to be in a bad mood today but I woke up to my alarm playing Mandy by Barry Manilow. At that point, it's out of your hands and you pretty much have to have the best day ever.

I think I'll leave it at that.

Which country shares the longest border with Russia? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was 400 million stars.

Have a decent Monday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com