Moosejaw Daily Madness

I went to the dentist yesterday because I have some sort of TMJ, jaw-clicking problem. No nitrous but my visit was still outstanding. The lighting and mirror in the bathroom must be some sort of special dentist combo because my teeth have never looked whiter and I was more handsome than ever. I can’t wait to go back next week and get my trays. I’m going to bring some sort of treat for the staff. My only goal is to be voted most popular patient. I am uninteresting. The Girl should break up with me and I should get fired. I have done nothing to improve anything or anyone. I feel better having said all that though.

What’s the largest volcano in the world? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Henrietta Maria who was the queen of Charles I of England.

Have an okay Friday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency – We have scrubs at Moosejaw now. Please click Scarlet Fever to check them out. If you place an order for scrubs today or tomorrow I’ll add an additional 428 Moosejaw points to your account. Five seconds after you place your order please email me your order number and I’ll add the points. Please be sure to read the product description below. This is important work and there happens to be a lot of synergy because of this week’s home page.

Product description…

Whenever I see someone in scrubs at the coffee shop I immediately respect them. Doctors just garner respect. Think Dr. Elizabeth Clay, Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr, Dr. Imhaus, Dr. Martson, even Gaylord Focker. Well, it is our intention at Moosejaw to ruin all that. If everyone is wearing scrubs or if just a few more people are wearing scrubs then no one will know who the doctors are. Please note, it's not that we don't love and appreciate doctors at Moosejaw. Rather, this is a wonderful lesson to all of us who should learn not to judge a book by its cover, as they say. If there is ever a time to be courageous it is now.

Who was Maryland named after? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was New Jersey.

Have the best Thursday since last September 1st which fell on a Friday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

One of my neighbors pulled his car out of the driveway this morning and then lined his garbage cans and his recycling bin along the end of his driveway instead of on the grass. What an innovator. A pioneer. I have never felt worse about myself.

Peter Benchley’s Jaws was inspired by shark attacks on the beach in what state? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was coal.

Have a really good Wednesday and please note the Really.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

If you haven’t seen our current home page and the doctor’s note please check it out asap.

First Michigan game four days away. It is always the best day of the year. My goal is to be just a bit hung over by the time I get to the tailgate and solve it by eating and playing football until game time. I typically don’t drink before or during a game because I am positive that Michigan lost at Notre Dame a few years ago because I was too tipsy to concentrate on the game. Please note that typically the anticipation of an event is better than the event. Michigan football is the exception to this rule unless, of course, the weather is miserable or Michigan loses. Thanks for coming out to boring city today.

Thank you to Al for the best football quotes ever and for providing the essential section three.

What did Londoners ban the burning of in 1306? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Stockholm.

Have the best Tuesday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We need help. Can everyone vote Moosejaw as the best place in the entire world? Here is the link. http://wdiv.cityvoter.com/Contests/ShowCategory.aspx?contestCategory=906

I went to the Tigers game on Saturday night and on Sunday. I spent the entire game Saturday night listening to my friend complain that he was claustrophobic in our seats until we found some random aisle seats. I spent the entire game Sunday hoping someone I knew from high school who was sitting nearby didn’t see me even though I liked him just fine in high school and he may not have hated me all that much.

I think I’m getting a bald spot.

What city was the first to use electronic timing devices at the Olympics? I don’t like the way this question is worded but hopefully you get it. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was K2.

They said to have a decent Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Alonzo: You're not making them feel like you're part of the team.

Jake: The team? You guys are fuckin' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to be this way?

Alonzo: I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary... Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you.

-Training Day

Mount Godwin-Austen is more commonly known as what? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from Angelina Jolie and one quote from President Harding. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this riveting auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Tom Selleck.

Have the best Sunday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl is baby-sitting for her nieces tonight. Last night I said I would join but I changed my mind. Here is my letter about it…

Dear The Girl, I am unable to join you tonight. They said I have to stay home to watch the Tigers’ game. I want to go baby-sit but I can’t. Thanks for hearing me out and I love you more than ever.

Less importantly, today I learned the expression Cardinal Rule has nothing to do with a cardinal. Click here and scroll down to check it out and don’t pretend you already knew this because there is no chance that is true… http://www.takeourword.com/TOW129/page2.html. Sorry for being so mean about it.

That’s all.

Who was supposed to play the role of Han Solo but backed out making room for Harrison Ford? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who are at least partly bald and one quote from Herbert Hoover. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Harrison Ford.

Have an outstanding Saturday. Really.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The first song I heard when I got in the car this morning was I Write the Songs…Barry Manillow-style. There is no better way to start a day.

Emergency…I am not drinking coke at lunch anymore.

I am having parrot for dinner tonight. A friend who is a world-class hunter is bringing it over.

That thing about the parrot isn’t true but I wrote about my breakfast time and lunch time so I felt it was right to add something about dinner.

What actor’s movies have grossed more cash money internationally than any others? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Big Bear Lake, California.

I hope your Friday is amazing but that mine is anywhere from bad to okay.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

August 23, 2007

In the past when someone has emailed me that they are going to visit one of our shops we’ve had the shop throw a little party. They said it is about time for another party. Anyone feel like a shop visit? Two days advanced notice would be nice so we can be sure to get your favorite color streamers. That’s all.

Where were the first Winter xGames held? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Mitch Albom.

Have your third best Thursday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Please check Moosejaw on Facebook when you’re bored. Please click I don’t have a login to check it out.

I can’t remember the last time I saw a rainbow. They should figure out a way to manufacture those in the sky. Everyone would be so much happier. Actually, the rainbow manufacturers would for sure overdo it and then no one would like rainbows. Actually, if no one liked rainbows then no one would miss them and I would have never thought of all this.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.
-Mark Twain

Who wrote the best-selling hard cover fiction book in 2006? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was zero.

Have an alright Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

When we were little we used to put our gum inside the fancy piano at one of my parent’s friend’s houses. I saw the mom last night and felt bad about it but I said nothing. In fact, there is a decent chance the gum made the piano sound better. If you Google Pianos and Gum you get plenty of results so I am now thinking we were pioneers. I love you world…please be my friend.

Also, we have our best contest ever this month. It is all about moths and the best way to whip slices of soap at your neighbors. That might be made up. Please click We are going to try this with no section three to check it out.

According to the World Tourism Organization, how many South American countries were listed among the top 25 tourist destinations in 2004? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Jack Nicklaus.

Have a phenomenal Tuesday. Phenomenal.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have two Starbucks espresso pods every morning. The pods are one of those rare things that happen to be super convenient as well as really good. For example, nothing in the microwave tastes as good as the same item made on the stove which always takes a lot longer.

More importantly, however, I’d like to discuss the wonderful lesson I learned this morning with my Starbucks pods and a friendly little giraffe who calls himself HoBo. I love the smell of the espresso pods when I take them out of their little packet in the morning. But, the first pod always smells great and the second pod is a little less appealing. So, for the first time, this morning I only smelled the first pod. The second pod went right into the espresso machine unsmelled and it was great. I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.

I originally had an even longer explanation about my experience with the pods. I went into depth about the gestalt theory and the importance of recognizing competition in a world marked by self-interest and the survival of the fittest. I had seven paragraphs dedicated to Adam Smith, two on Tocqueville, one on Darwin and one about John Elway. However, I chose to delete everything and let your imagination run wild.

Thanks for coming out today and please remember to never believe anyone who claims to know anything. Please ignore the previous advice.

What American has designed the most golf courses in Japan? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Paris.

Have the best Monday since this past Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!
-Chaz Reingold, Wedding Crashers

According to my people, the first bikini made its appearance at a fashion show in what city? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include quotes from three movies that featured someone with a mustache. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this riveting auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Dolly.

Have a decent Sunday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

My tv at home has been broken for about two weeks. We have no sound and I don’t mind it at all. I am going to see if everyone can whisper or be on mute from now on.

Michigan football starts two weeks from today and the home schedule couldn’t be better. If Michigan is good and the Tigers make the playoffs it will be the best fall ever. If neither happens everything will be boring and awful again and I predict my hair looks terrible. Yours will probably look bad too.

I don’t think I’ve seen a movie in the theater so far in 2007. Who? No, I mean who cares?

What was the name of the first cloned sheep? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who have lived in England and one quote from Faulkner. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important work.

Yesterday’s answer was Florida.

Have the greatest Saturday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I am up to drinking no less than nine Vitamin Waters a day. I am going for the record. Have you read the side of the bottles? If not, you should do so asap. They’re good enough that you could break up with me forever. Actually, that may imply that I am good which I am not. I also have no hobbies or skills. I like to play craps and I am fast on my Blackberry but I’m not sure if that counts. I would say the Vitamin Water copied everything from Moosejaw but that’s probably completely untrue and they said not to slander anyone especially if you like them.

Please remember to read every single line of the catalog when you’re bored. Click Bubonic Plague to check it out.

Section 3 (three).

Which US state has exonerated the most death row inmates? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Constantinople.

Please enjoy your Friday. Don’t love it but like it a lot.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The giant bowling rematch tonight between the Marketing Squad and the Buying team tonight has been rescheduled. For those of you who planned to attend your tickets are good for the new date which is yet to be determined. I would have bowled a 114 and would have been the least liked. Actually, to say I would have been the least liked gives me too much credit. Everyone would have just preferred that I not be there.

Have you seen the new catalog yet? Page 14 is worth looking at. Please note, however, that I can’t recall what’s on page 14 but I’m guessing it’s decent. Please click I Can’t Stand You to check out the catalog.

So far, this is the only caption I like in the catalog…”I can’t think of anything to say right now.” It is for the Gregory Triconi pack on page 43. Riveting.

Emergency…I just noticed that all of the numbers I used in this remark included the number 4. That is crazy. I feel like I for sure have some special powers now.

What was the capital of the Byzantine Empire? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Jasper.

Have the best Thursday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Moosejaw Catalog has shipped. It is, without question, at least the 19th the best catalog ever. Please click I’ve always wanted to go to France with my best friend’s girlfriend and he has got to know it to check it out online.

What was the name of the town that Roadhouse took place in? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was at the opera.

Have a relatively decent Wednesday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Happiest Birthday ever to Jen C. tomorrow and I hope the tattoo turns out amazing. They told me to announce the birthday a day early so everyone has time to get Jen C. a good gift. Please remember that no one cares about a card for more than a minute but an iPod lasts for at least a couple years.

The inside of my car is so messy that I thought about cleaning it. I threw away some garbage on the floor and then decided it was a dumb idea and I’d be better off hoping that a ghost cleaned my car for me or I developed some special powers like everyone else.

I wanted to offer a coupon code if the Tigers win tonight but the Mean Lawyer said I couldn’t do it. At least it gave me a section three.

In the movie the Untouchables where was Al Capone (Robert DeNiro) when one of his men killed Malone (Sean Connery)? We are looking for a location such as a restaurant or dance hall as opposed to something like ‘in a chair’ or ‘in the US.’ Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was No.

Have the finest Tuesday of your life.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll... uh... well, you'll say "hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you. He won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say, "do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you"... I mean I'm no, I can't... I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's... he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas...
-Photojournalist, Apocalypse Now

When Scopes taught evolution in his class what law was he supposedly violating? I am asking this because I missed it and felt terrible about myself the rest of the day. They said I should ask because misery loves company or something like that. Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who I have seen with Michael Douglas and one quote from Adam Smith, who I never saw with Michael Douglas. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Gisele Bundchen.

Have a decent Sunday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

A bird shit on my phone last night.

According to my people who is the world’s top earning supermodel? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes by models and one quote by Francis Bacon. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Savannah in 1819. Really, the answer was just The Savannah.

Have the most outstanding rest of Saturday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Just to be nice I stopped by a lemonade stand on my street on my way home from Moosejaw yesterday. The kids were selling lemonade, baseball cards and beads and one of the kids was braiding some other kid’s hair and adding the beads. It was a demo I suppose. The operation was quite impressive and I recommended that their entire team run on a ticket for some kind of government counsel. I am also in full dreads with beads in my hair right now. That last part isn’t true but everything else is and I imagine Tropicana will come out with some sort of lemonade and bead combo drink by the end of the third quarter. Hi third quarter… love you.

This remark isn’t that good but it’s for the kids.

LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY!…
-Mike, Bad News Bears

What was the name of the first steamship to cross the Atlantic Ocean? Not just any boat… a steamship. They made me say that part. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Lady Jane Grey.

Have an alright Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I think there is something wrong with a tree behind our house because branches keep falling on our driveway. It is probably a ghost. More importantly, I normally wouldn’t bother doing anything with the fallen branches because it is practically winter and snow causes branches to virtually dissolve. Or, I would assume the mean ghost who caused the branches to fall in the first place would be accosted by a more virtuous ghost who would have the mean ghost clean up everything…just like the Lost Boys and Little Giants. But, our neighbor commented on the branches so I felt like I had to be a normal human for a moment and clean them up. Our driveway is now stunning and I feel a little like Beaks from Trading Places although I’m not sure why just yet.

What British monarch ruled for just nine days? According to my people, someone else’s people think it may have been 13 days but we’re sticking with nine. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was 1870.

Have the fourth best Thursday of the week.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

No one in the world knows how to properly clean the screen on my lap top without it looking all smudged up. Someone advised me to use olive oil which I considered. I don’t think anyone in the world knows how to clean any computer screen. I also believe that spiders are really insects. More importantly, I learned that people who talk about computer screens have an organization called the All Smudged Up Group, also known as the ASUG’s, and we’ll be gathering on the steps on the Supreme Court this coming Saturday to protest something. Please join us in this important endeavor. It’s for the people.

I watched the movie The Holiday last night with The Girl. I cried about ten times. However, did Jude Law’s kids each have their own cell phone? If you saw the movie please think about it. If you didn’t see it sorry that I just ruined that part of the movie for you.

Third section for those of us with some necessary OCD.

What year was the US Justice Department created? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was zero.

Have a decent Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Big bowling match last night between the Moosejaw Marketing Squad and the Moosejaw Buying Team. Please note the distinction between Squad and Team. The Buying team won by an average of three pins per person. BB was the best player. Coach Indy looked the best and I wasn’t there which likely accounts for something. More importantly, the Marketing Squad is now done doing any marketing. There will be no new mailers, home pages or discussions about meat. All efforts will be put toward beating the Buying Team.

When Sonny was gunned down in the Godfather how many of his cars were following directly behind him? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Paris.

Have an incredible Tuesday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I went wake boarding again over the weekend and I could not get out of the water. I have never been worse at anything and it is frustrating enough that I am blaming everything on the driver and looking for a new human who has a boat. Or, I may just never try again and pretend I don’t like the sport entirely. The primary reason for me writing about this is that I feel your life could benefit from my use of rationalization and denial. It’s like being in the Matrix.

No one likes an optimist.

Section three.

The first modern Olympics were help in Athens. Where was the second modern Olympics held? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Sudan.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here's what I'm gonna ask of you... We're going to be spending the night in New York, so it worked out well for all of us. I want you to take it back to the business class, I want you to round up a couple of honeys... At our hotel room we're gonna have kind of a pool party. California gangster-style, you know what I mean? Kick ass pool party thing.
-Ricky Slade, Made

According to my people what is the largest country (in square miles) in Africa? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a few quotes by people named Leonard, Leo or Leonardo. This should be quite exciting. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Absecon Island.

Have a relatively decent Sunday.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Dear The Girl,

The dog threw up a little on the floor this morning. I cleaned it but I used Purel and the floor is really slippery so please be careful. That’s all.

Love

Atlantic City is located on what island? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from movies that had something to do with gambling and one quote from Corazon Aquino. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important work.

Yesterday’s answer was Dude.

Have a wonderful Saturday please.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Dear The Girl,

The dog threw up a little on the floor this morning. I cleaned it but I used Purel and the floor is really slippery so please be careful. That’s all.

Love

Atlantic City is located on what island? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from movies that had something to do with gambling and one quote from Corazon Aquino. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.comfor this important work.

Yesterday’s answer was Dude.

Have a wonderful Saturday please.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Ours was a ragged group. Scrappy kids from Saline, Goshen, Ocala, Evergreen, Idaho Springs, Kiev, Ottowa, Santiago and Ankara. We never claimed to be polished or sexy although we were sexy. We were gritty and fun. We were fast and wonderful with a comb, a bat and a glove. But, it was not to be this year. Last night we faced a team of ringers…it was like going to a beauty contest and seeing Fabio and Hasselhoff. It was like going to the aquarium and seeing fish. It was like going to the moon and seeing fourteen rocks. We lost.

Everything's going to be just fine. Everything's all right as long as we win state.
-John Aubrey, Friday Night Lights

In the movie The Big Lebowski which word is used less…F*ck or Dude? I was going to type Dude as D*de but then decided to write about not doing it. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Pennsylvania and California.

Have the best Friday of your life.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Softball playoffs start tonight. We are one of six teams out of a thirty-six team field to make it through. I made that up about thirty-six total teams…its more like twelve or fifteen. Needless to say, tonight is the most important night of our lives. And, it’s not just about the players. It’s about our fans and our fans’ friends and people who our fans don’t know. Even though we only have one fan by the time we work through the extended network I feel like we’re really playing for the world. Accordingly, if we win I’ll have a coupon code live tomorrow for an additional 15 percent off anything that’s on sale. That means if you see something on the site for 25% off you can enter the coupon code and get 40% off.

Gentlemen, the hopes and dreams of an entire town are riding on your shoulders. You may never matter again in your life as much as you do right now.
-Coach Gary Gaines, Friday Night Lights

According to the Places Rated Almanac what two states boast the most number of cities in the top ten best US cities in 2007? Boast. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Great Britain.

Have a decent Thursday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

You may or may not recall but The Girl got a lap top a while ago and the beauty of our relationship was marked by the two of us sitting next to each other on the couch…both on our lap tops. It was the picture of the successful modern love story. More recently, The Girl has decided to pretend her wonderful lap top is a desk top and she has been spending most of her time on the computer at her desk at home. At first, I was disappointed until I realized that she was, indeed, ahead of her time and being in separate rooms is likely the picture of a perfect relationship in the future where humans don’t even see each other live. I see it like the beautiful future portrayed in Terminator I or Mars Attacks.

I don’t like this remark but it will make the other remarks seem better. Maybe not.

In 1973 the Bahamas gained its independence from what country? No looking it up please. Or do. Regardless, please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Star Wars…the original Star Wars.

Have the most amazing Wednesday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com