Moosejaw Daily Madness

There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle... and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.
-Troy Dyer, Reality Bites

The Oval Office was built during whose presidency? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Joe Montana and another quote from a lady. I’m not sure which lady yet. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the Mediterranean.

Have the best Sunday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency... there was a dead rat on the lawn in front on my house. With the pink tail and everything. I picked it up with a shovel and put it in the garbage. We are for sure moving. Remember the rat scene in the movie 1984?

What sea derives its name from whatever “in the middle of the earth” translates into in Latin? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Ice-T and one from Bobby Kennedy. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Apollo 7.

Have a decent rest of Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here’s a special Thanksgiving list for you and your family.

• Take advantage of any opportunity to tell someone to get off your property but don’t force it.
• Always be sure to have the canned cranberry sauce in addition to the real kind at your Thanksgiving dinner.
• If you’re telling the Thanksgiving story make sure it’s not all positive and fairy tale. The downside is important too.
• Give the kids crayons or markers and make sure they write on walls.
• Rather than give thanks spend as much time as possible gloating.
• Do not allow any acquaintances in your home.
• During your Thanksgiving dinner spend as much time as possible thinking about how much time you’re going to have to spend cleaning once it’s done.
• Whip a slice of bologna at someone older than you.

Who was known as the Lady with the Lamp? Today is a special Thanksgiving auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a simple seating arrangement for your family and an image of the letter D. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Have the fourth best Thanksgiving ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here’s a play…

The Girl: How’s Pete?
Me: I have no idea.
The Girl: You don’t talk to him anymore?
Me: No, we text every day. I just don’t know one thing about him.
The Girl: Boys are so dumb.

Fade out…

The MTV Music Video Awards first debuted in what year…1982, 1984 or 1986? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was baseball.

Have an amazing Tuesday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Emergency…we’re doing Buy 1, Get 50% off another one. Basically, if you get two $100 jackets you get one for $100 and one for $50. Please click here to check it out.

• Two friends (a boy and a girl) came over unannounced last night. Can you imagine? It was awful. I told them I would write about it. In fact, now I’m thinking they came over strictly so I would write about it so I’m not going to write about it. Actually, there is no chance they came over so I would write about it but please pretend you never read any of this anyway.

• Section Three.

The cover of the first issue of Sports Illustrated featured what sport? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from someone I’ve seen partly naked and one quote from someone who I have never seen naked. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.comfor this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Perseus.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

If anything happens to me or my family, an accident, an accusation, anything, then first your son will disappear, his body will never be found. Then your wife. Her body will never be found either. This is guaranteed. Then, whatever is the most dangerous thing you do in your life, it might be flying in a small plane, it might be walking to the bank, you will be killed. Do you understand what I'm saying? I want you to acknowledge that you do understand so that we're clear and there won't be any mistakes.
-Bob Barnes, Syriana

Who killed Medusa? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a list of two girls that I’d want to french if someone was holding a gun to my head saying I had to kiss a girl other than The Girl. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.comfor this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Telemachus.

Have a really, really good rest of Sunday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency…I got a second glance last night. It was at Barnes and Noble. I was looking at a book and pretending to be smart. Since I started the Daily Remark in 2003 I have written about ten second glances that I’ve received. I’d say ten is not many at all and that I must be about a four on the handsome scale. I’m going to check on the pace of second glances to see if I’ve gotten better or worse looking over the past five years. They’re predicting I’ve gotten much better looking.

American Bandstand debuted on TV in what city? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from people with mustaches. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.comfor this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Michigan.

Have the best Friday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• I had to be in a video yesterday. They put make up on me. I’m wearing it again today. Just a little blush on my forehead and under my eyes. I look like a lot like a young Hasselhoff…sexy but still gettable.

• We have the best contest ever going right now. When you’re super bored please click here to check it out.

• Bullet point seven.

Thomas Edison was born in what state? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Jack Nicholson.

Have an okay Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I feel like I should do something nice for someone today. Can someone please email me something I can do for you that would be good and please make sure it’s mostly self-interested and that it will be super easy for me to solve?

Who played Randle Patrick McMurphy? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Miami in 2001.

Have an alright rest of Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency…the scroll thing on my Blackberry doesn’t work. Can everyone please throw away your Blackberry and be miserable until mine is fixed?

What was the last college football team to win a National Championship to not come from the SEC, Big 12, Pac 10 or Big Ten? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Asia.

Have a pretty good rest of Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

My electric toothbrush split in two this morning. One half ended up choking me and the other half jammed into my lip and I can’t stop bleeding. I’m probably going to die.

‘Pallbearer’
-Clifford, from the movie Clifford

What’s the most populous continent? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from a baseball player and one quote from someone named Jennifer. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Robert McNamara.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Stop looking at me, swan.
-Billy Madison

Who was the first non-Ford to be president of Ford Motor Company? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Lincoln and one from Mandy Moore. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Epcot.

Have a pretty good rest of Sunday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I either lost my watch this morning or someone stole it off my wrist. If I don’t find it I am going to request that everyone stops keeping time.
On this date in 1793, the Louvre was opened as a public museum. Although I’ve been to Paris twice I’ve never been to the Louvre. I will not go into any public place that begins with the letter L.
Interestingly, Mona Lisa doesn’t wear a watch. History is indeed cyclical. I have no idea what that means.


What’s the third most visited theme park in the US? It would be better if I was able to give you numbers one and two but I can’t. Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a short list of people named Napoleon and John and one quote from Zoolander. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Wall Street Journal.

Have an okay rest of Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Last Tuesday was the five year anniversary of the Daily Remark. I think I’ve done the remark 1,833 consecutive days. To celebrate, I’ll be obsessing about the garbage again as soon as possible.


• I considered raking the leaves last night just because I saw one of the neighbors do it. Then, I decided not to. I definitely don’t own a rake.


• I’ve been to Connecticut once.

The Customers' Afternoon Letter became what newspaper? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Charlie Brown and one quote from Barbara Walters and how about another from Jerry Springer. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the Mediterranean Sea.

Have an okay rest of Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency... please remember we’ve got that sale going. Click here to check it out.

According to Sarah in Rochester, New York, the auto-replies are better than the Daily Remarks. Really, there is no Sarah in Rochester, New York, but there is a human person who did email about the auto-replies being better than the remarks but she preferred to remain anonymous. So, I suppose what I’m saying is to check out the auto-replies. Or don’t. In fact, I wouldn’t.

Click here to see a picture of a tooth.

The Nile flows into what body of water? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Greg.

Have a decent Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

My favorite part of the election yesterday was all the nice people The Girl and I met at the election party we hosted last night. Here is some stuff I learned...

No state with a lighthouse has ever voted for a candidate over six feet tall.
The West Wing is not non-smoking. In fact, you must smoke inside the Oval Office.
Most of the girls would rather do it with Anderson Cooper than Wolf Blitzer but it was close.

I think that covers it.

Who is older Greg or Bryant Gumbel? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was FDR.

Have the best rest of Wednesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have nothing to say today.

Wait, I’ve changed my mind. I certainly don’t want to change the election but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I expect a significant number of write-in votes for me.

I voted absentee but I’m still going to wait in line today. Not to try to vote again. Just to get the pulse of the people.

I love everyone.

In 1999 Time Magazine named Einstein the person of the century. Who was number 2? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Ohio University.

Have an alright Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• Our relatively amazing 16 Year Anniversary Sale starts today. Please click here to check it out.

• If you happen to order a 16 Year Anniversary tee or hat I’ll add 500 Moosejaw points to your account. So, place an order for some 16 Year Anniversary stuff and then tomorrow email me your order number and I’ll take care of the points. You’ll also get 20% off when you use coupon code 200 and you always get free shipping on Moosejaw stuff. I’m pretty sure this is the best deal ever. Remember to email me your order number tomorrow instead of today.

• Bullet Point.

• Here’s a customer comment from TJ in San Francisco. “The Daily Remark has been awful lately.” As always, we appreciate only negative and unconstructive criticism and I hope TJ catches a twelve hour flu.

Where did Paul Newman go to college? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Marx, one from Einstein and one from my mom. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Calvin Coolidge.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.
-Red, Shawshank Redemption

Which US President helped choose the presidents for Mt. Rushmore? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote that I don’t understand and another from someone who has been on a boat. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Nolan Ryan.

Have the best Sunday of your entire life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Please be sure to watch Made on MTV today. It’s on at 2pm eastern. Or don’t.

Who was the first Major League Baseball player to throw five no hitters? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from Clinton, one from Nixon and one from Al Roker. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was 4.

Have a decent Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com