Moosejaw Daily Madness

Emergency…I have just been informed that my excerpts may not make the next Moosejaw catalog. Please start thinking about some kind of revolt. I am not going to quit over it so don’t get mad at Moosejaw but certainly protest something else…perhaps the lack of Healthy Choice Cookies and Cream typically found at any grocery store.

What US state produces the most ice cream? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include four movie quotes from either Theodore Roosevelt or Mandy Moore. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Frank Lloyd Wright.

Have an amazing Saturday. Really.

Love the Madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

This is a true story. I was at the bar last night and there was a man at a table holding a plastic squirrel doll. The squirrel was about nine inches high and just sat on the table. The man got up from the table about five times. I’d guess three of the times he took the squirrel with him and the other two times the squirrel just sat on the table with the other people the man was with. No one seemed to be talking about the squirrel or think that it was odd in any way. I am for sure getting a squirrel doll today.

The son of what famous architect invented Lincoln Logs? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Sweden or maybe it wasn’t actually.

Have a terrifying Friday. I’m not sure why I wrote that but I like that word.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Dear The Girl,

I put a few sponges and scrubber type cleaning things in the dishwasher last night and the dishwasher spit bubbles all over the kitchen. I have never seen more bubbles ever except for at a foam party in Acapulco sophomore year. Our house is like the scene in Willy Wonka when they almost get clipped by the fan. I cleaned everything but it is super sticky on the floor and counters. I think we should look for a new house.

Love

Which country has the highest rate of divorce…US, Sweden or France? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Michael Williams.

Have a decent Thursday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Please check out theJaw home page today and click through to the Panther Project. Or don’t but I would.

Its 80’s day at the Moosejaw warehouse/office today. Should be the best day ever. More to come tomorrow.

Ann Marie and Keith are engaged. Please click here to see a list of everything they want for their wedding. That click here is made up but Ann Marie and Keith really did get engaged and way to go.

What Ivy League school was established most recently? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was San Francisco.

Have an okay Tuesday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I used some new stuff in my hair today. Here are some early morning comments…

The girl who sits next me…”It looks amazing. You know why I like it…it’s perfectly formed.”

Dating Girl…”The curls are too tight. It’s not that I don’t like it but I like it better the other way.”

The girl who sits about five feet from me…”It’s not as froey so I like it but if you grew it any longer you’d look like a girl.”

What is the fourth most populous city in California? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Jacob.

Have an outstanding Monday and if you aren’t watching John From Cincinnati you’re really missing out.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Cal: [Pointing to an action figure on a shelf] Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
Andy Stitzer: That's Oscar Goldman.
Cal: Why do you have that?
Andy Stitzer: That's worth a lot of money. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin.
Cal: Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay?
Andy Stitzer: I'm not trying to be sexy, man.
Cal: [Pointing to a framed poster] I mean, seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?
-40 Year Old Virgin

What was the most popular boy baby name from 2000-2006? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include four quotes about love. It is important to reflect on love sometimes don’t you think? Please don’t answer that but email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Lincoln Penny.

Have the seventeenth best Sunday you’ve had since 2002.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Trader Joe’s vanilla oreos are much better than regular vanilla oreos but I don’t like either version crushed up in my ice cream and I don’t get why.

I watched the AFI dedication to Al Pacino last night. It was good. As I have mentioned at least seven times since I started the Daily Remark on October 28, 2003, I don’t think being an actor would be hard at all. However, I do think Pacino is pretty good at it. He’s no Spicoli in Fast Times but still. Still what? I don’t know.

I’m so tired. I for sure have mono or someone roofied me.

What is the only US coin in which the President faces right? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include four quotes from people who have never claimed to eat Lucky Charms as far as I know. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Zachary Taylor.

Have an alright Saturday. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have an ad on a new site. Someone who is way cooler than me said that our ad is cool and the new site is cool too. Please go to www.thisisfly.com to check it out. Our banner is on page 25.

This is what Wikipedia says about Cool… Cool is an aesthetic of attitude, behavior, comportment, appearance, style and Zeitgeist. Because of the varied and changing connotations of cool, as well its subjective nature, the word has no single meaning. It has associations of composure and self-control (cf. the OED definition) and is often used as an expression of admiration or approval.

We had a big softball win last night. We won by a run in the bottom of the last inning. The first baseman (baseperson) on the other team had an unassisted double play and I gave her mom a hug. This is an inside story that is mostly uninteresting even to those inside.

Lester Bangs: That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.
William Miller: I can really see that now.
Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
William Miller: Me too!
Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world if what we share with someone else when we're uncool.
-Almost Famous

Which President served as the primary general for the US during the Mexican-American War? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Pittsburgh.

Have the most outstanding Friday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency…Those are my hands on the home page.

What US city is home to the first baseball stadium? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Atlantic City.

Have your ninth best Thursday since 2003.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Dear The Girl,

I have never loved you more. I believe we have too much organic food in the house and we should get food with more chemicals. That’s all.

Love.

Where was the first legal casino opened in the US? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com. Today is definitely not an auto-reply day.

Yesterday’s answer was Venice.

Have a decent Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I got some nice feedback from having nothing to say yesterday. I’m thinking it would be a nice epitaph.

I watched the Flight of the Concords on HBO last night. It was funny. Definitely worth watching again.

Someone told me that someone else turns off the air conditioning in his car when he goes up a hill. I wish I had thought of that.

I know someone whose favorite movie is Grease II. I wish I had thought of that too.

This remark is bad and I don’t like myself anymore.

According to my people, what city is home to the world’s first opera house? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Jackie Kennedy.

Have the best Tuesday ever please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have nothing to say today. Should be the best day ever.

She was first lady when the White House was declared a National Museum? Who is she? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was France.

Have an okay Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Mitch: Who's this guy?
Beanie: Oh, that's Blue. An old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry. He's legit.
Mitch: He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
Beanie: You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.
-Old School


The first balloon flight took place in what country? Today is an auto-reply day. I addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include four quotes from Spinal Tap. If you haven’t seen Spinal Tap you should rent it immediately and watch it at least ten times. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Spain.

Have the best Sunday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I watched the show Jonny from Cincinnati on On Demand last night. It was great.

I went on the little kids slide at The Girl’s sister’s house last night and broke it. Although I think the kids learned a wonderful lesson no one likes me.

I have never washed my car.

I got a flat tire over a week ago and I still haven’t taken the spare off. I’m probably going to die. I hope I don’t suffer.

All of the comments today have been about me. Let’s hear a little about you. Just joking.

Christopher Columbus died in what country? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include four quotes from people who are either dead or tall. Please email me at at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Tom Cheney.

Have an alright Saturday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

As we have discussed in the past, there are way too many marshmallows in the top of a box of Lucky Charms. I have been exacerbating the problem by taking the extra Charms from my cereal or ice cream bowl and putting them back into the box. So, in order to solve this issue and not be wasteful I am starting a Lucky Charms recycling program. From now on, please take your extra Charms and mail them to me at Moosejaw and I will donate them to someone at Moosejaw who likes just the Charms. This is, obviously, important and I appreciate your participation.

Who holds the major league record for most strikeouts in one game? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Spain.

Have the best Friday of your life.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I can’t think of anything that has impacted my life more positively recently than not stretching. While I am still miserable I am not miserable because my bones hurt. I believe that, in due time, science will learn that stretching is bad for you. I’m hoping the theory is called something along the lines of “Stretching isn’t as good for you as once thought” or “We were wrong about Columbus being such a fine man and we were wrong about stretching too.”

ssb

Before gaining its independence, Chile was a part of what country? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Nixon.

Have a fine Thursday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I asked someone if they thought I looked more like Ben Stiller or a young Charles Manson and the person got mad at me. I’m not sure what I did wrong but the human who is mad is for sure reading this and getting more mad because I am typing about it. Verlander pitched a no hitter last night and no one likes me.

What US President ordered the development of the space shuttle? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Skylab.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

If you need new Chacos or you want to help with some recycling or you’re bored please check out the Chaco Charity Sandal Swap.

If I skipped a day of the Daily Remark I think something really awful will happen to everyone. I might try it tomorrow.

I had to do more stuff around the house yesterday and it was terrible. I’m thinking if I skip the remark tomorrow and I die because of it I’ll never have to do work around the house again. Now I’m not going to skip the remark tomorrow jic.

What was the name of the first space station that the US launched into space? It was in 1973. In the business we call that a little hint. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Pistons. They scored 186 in three overtimes against the Nuggets in 1983.

Have the greatest Tuesday in history please.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I liked the end of the Sopranos last night. Nothing should ever be clear or easy. I believe it was Plidi the Mime who first said that.

More importantly, someone at Moosejaw just forwarded the following order confirmation to me. The mannequins are for product photos and I think it is important to include today especially in light of honoring Plidi.

Company:
Shipping Address:
650 Mandoline
Madison Heights, MI
48071 USA
---------------------------------
Purchase Summary
---------------------------------
1 FTAMB Female Mannequin, Black Torso with Arms $19.95
1 FLMB Female Legs Mannequin, Black $16.95 Shipping & Handling $6.95
---------------------------------
Total $43.85
-------------------------

If there was an award for most mature I am fairly certain Moosejaw would come in fourth place.

What NBA team scored the most points in one game? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Rock Around the Clock.

Have an okay Monday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I'm a superstitious man, and if some unlucky accident should befall Michael - if he is to be shot in the head by a police officer, or be found hung dead in a jail cell... or if he should be struck by a bolt of lightning - then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room; and then I do not forgive. But with said, I pledge - on the souls of my grandchildren - that I will not be the one to break the peace that we have made today.
-Don Corleone, The Godfather

According to my people, what was the first rock n roll record to reach number one on the charts? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people or I’ve seen in concert and one quote from someone named Charles. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this inspiring auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Boston.

Have an amazing Sunday please.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl is sick so I slept on the couch last night. I rented Stranger Than Fiction and I liked it very much. I also watched John Tucker Must Die once and a half and it was great. I’m hoping to watch Babel tonight assuming The Girl is still sick.

I can’t believe that, not only do fly swatters work pretty well but, there is no new, more technologically advanced version of the fly swatter.

I am not sure if the punctuation in the previous sentence is correct.

That’s all.

According to my people what city is home to the first public parking garage in the US? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include four quotes from ladies who I have not kissed. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Liverpool FC.

Have the best Saturday in history.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Happiest Birthday ever to Wendy from New York. Last year I wished Wendy a Happy Birthday and she got mad at me for also mentioning that she ‘recently finished her thesis on the philosophy of warm weather penguins and will actually be spending the rest of the summer celebrating her birthday.’ I thought it would be more appropriate this year to mention the incident and the fact that Wendy got mad so she gets mad again. Please note that about half of that is made up. It is Wendy’s birthday though. No really, it is. If you know Wendy please get her something good and something tangible and not just a card.

Less importantly, we had our best softball game of the year last night and beat the only undefeated team in the league. Our intensity was way up and I hope we never smile during a game again unless we’re up at least 12 runs. I counted at least three web gems.

This sentence is here strictly to take up space.

What English Soccer Club has won the most trophies? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Detective Comics.

Have a great Friday morning but then have your day get gradually worse.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Softball tonight. We’re playing the only undefeated team in the league. We’ll win.

We have the best contest ever this month. Anything additional I say could only contribute to a worse contest as well as a worse day for everyone so please just click I am very busy right now to check out the contest.

Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.
-Craig Schwartz, Being John Malkovich

The DC in DC Comics stands for what? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was The Golden Gate Bridge.

Have the most fantastic Thursday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I love our current home page.

We have another version that was sent as a mailer to just a few customers because it is a little more risqué and we didn’t want everyone to hate us more than they already do. Risqué is the wrong word but I couldn’t think of anything else. If you want to be offended please click here to check out the other version and then click here to check out the complaint letter. Then click here if you prefer everything in threes but that third click will go nowhere.

What is the second longest suspension bridge in the US? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was four.

Have a fairly decent Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

My computer is still broken. I’ve been typing with a desk top key board on top of my lap top key board so I have the N. It is terrible and I am hoping it is fixed today.

Here is that previous setece with my ormal keyboard…

My computer is still broke. I’ve bee typig with a desk top key board o top of my lap top key board so I have the . It is terrible ad I am hopig it is fixed today.

I used to stretch a lot after running or using the elliptical and I was still always miserable. I have stopped stretching entirely and I am way, way less sore. I am still miserable but less sore. I imagine there is some balance between stretching hard for ages and not stretching at all but I prefer living with extremes so I will not be participating in any experiment that would suggest a reasonable amount of stretching. Thanks for hearing me out on that.

Here is that previous paragraph with my ormal keyboard…

I used to stretch a lot after ruing or usig the elliptical and I was still always miserable. I have stopped stretchig etirely ad I am way, way less sore. I am still miserable but less sore. I imagie there is some balace betwee stretchig hard for ages ad ot stretchig at all but I prefer livig with extremes so I will ot be participatig in ay experimet that would suggest a reasoable amout of stretchig. Thaks for hearig me out o that.

Rolling Stone magazine listed their top 500 albums of all-times. How many of the top ten were Beatles albums? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Coke.

Have an incredible Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Have you ever watched the news and actually had insight on a story and still the news got the story right? I believe that has never ever happened. Never ever.

A friend emailed me something bad about Purell. I refused to open the link because I love Purell and my friend spelled it Purel with one L. Love you Purell.

Sometimes I stand up instead of sit on the couch because I don’t want to mess up the couch.

I got new sunglasses. They are Smith Methods. I don’t feel like linking them back to the product page though. They’re bigger than my older sunglasses so it looks like I’m wearing a mask. Hi Zorro. Love you.

Pemberton’s French Wine Coca eventually became what? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com and please note that I am asking this one because I missed it and I am pretty sure it is the only time I’ve been wrong since I bet against Evil Knievel clearing the Grand Canyon in 1972.

Yesterday’s answer was Columbia.

Have the best Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.
Klaus Daimler: [pouting] Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.

-The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

The charter for the Organization of American States (OAS) was signed in what country? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include four quotes from ladies who I’ve seen watch some sort of sporting event. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was San Quentin Prison.

Have an incredible Sunday. Really.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The key o my computer keyboard is’t workig. This is a perfect example that othig is ever easy. This is the third time this has happeed to me so I kow its my fault. I kow the first time it was the letter D. I ca’t recall what key I lost the secod time but I am thikig it was a I which is especially uiterestig because DI spells DI ad if you search for DI o Wikipedia you get the following lik.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DIN_connector

I am cofidet this meas that I am either goig to get struck by lighting today, the Pistos will wi toight or I will be ivited to speak the biaual Goveror’s Coferece O Beig Especially Formidable.

So sorry for always ruiig everything.

Truth serum, also known as scopolamine, was first tested at what facility? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer the auto-reply today will include three quotes from movies that featured at least one human person whose name is not Lester. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Queen Elizabeth II in 1991.

Have a really good Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here is the list of house projects The Girl emailed me to solve this weekend:

• Build the bench for outside. We have had it sitting in a box since February.



• Get the umbrella for the table from the garage. It is in the rafters.



• Hook up hose in the front and the back.



• Clean out the closet in the front.



• Figure out what to do with the empty bookshelf.

Dear The Girl,

I received your list of house projects for me for this weekend. If I solve something today does that mean I get more added to the list or is this the complete list regardless of when I solve? I have never loved you more.

Just a side note…I could have covered Lebron.

One more side note…we won our softball game last night.

Who was the first British monarch to address the US Congress? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Mickey Mantle.

Have the best Friday of your life.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com