Moosejaw Daily Madness

The Girl and I had dinner plans tomorrow night which is an obvious conflict with the Final Four. In a rare moment of total self-interest I canceled plans regardless of the consequences.

Actually, it isn’t really a rare moment of self-interest. Rather, it is a rare instance where the guilt of temporarily ruining everyone’s plans will eventually be outweighed by my joy of being able to watch the games and considering there are only about ten good events all year and this is one of them I made the move. The joy.

Everyone hates me and I hope to be over it tomorrow.

What’s the longest bone in the human body? I’m a human. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Boston Marathon.

Have the best Friday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We are in the middle of the second Hold ‘Em tournament at Moosejaw.com. I won my first round. I got really lucky and beat a better player. I forgot to wear the hoody I typically wear when I play. So, I’m definitely not going to wear the hoody next time I play and I think this could be a life changing moment.

I don’t particularly like cream cheese but, for the sake of maintaining tradition, I have cream cheese on my bagel at every Michigan tailgate. The cream cheese has not been particularly positive for Michigan so perhaps it doesn’t have an effect on the game.

Maybe making the dice add up to seven so I can fight the seven doesn’t make me a better craps player especially considering I almost always lose.

Perhaps putting a little paprika in my hair doesn’t give me more energy.

Perhaps taping my pinky to my thumb on my left hand every time I fly doesn’t keep the plane in the air.

Maybe sleeping with a glock under my pillow doesn’t keep thieves away.

Maybe driving with swords sticking out of my back window doesn’t keep me from getting car jacked.

Sorry you had to read all that. A couple of these are real. The sword thing being one of them.

According to my people what is the oldest marathon in the US? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was T.

Have a decent rest of Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl wants to get a king-sized bed. That’s a sure sign that she ends it within the month. I predict she has a new boyfriend by the end of May. I see him as a Fabio-type dripping in beautiful gold chains and medallions. I’ll probably be destitute, living in Reno, dealing blackjack and calling keno.

I flunk English, I'm outta here. I gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That's right, they start me at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job. But the day I'm supposed to start some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico. When I get out of jail I'm 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down in the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner and why? Because you wouldn't help me in English.
-Gib, The Sure Thing, imdb.com

What was the first letter Vanna White turned on the Wheel of Fortune? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was George Washington.

Have the best rest of Wednesday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have a new Live Chat thing on the site. It is worth looking at. Please click I broke a bowl yesterday and didn’t tell Girl but she will know about it now to check it out.

Dear The Girl – Sorry about the bowl. It happened when I was doing the dishes so it’s not like I threw it off the roof for fun. I don’t even think that would be fun.

Which US President made Thanksgiving a national holiday? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was attempting to assassinate President Ford.

Have an amazing Tuesday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Brother – Happy Birthday. The family got you dinner being delivered from Joe’s Stone Crab. If you don’t like it we really didn’t buy it yet so please let me know. Sorry I threw rocks at you while you were running that one time.

Lynette ‘Squeaky’ Fromme was found guilty of what crime? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Shrek in 2001.

Have the best Monday since Monday, July 7, 2003.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I was shopping for my wife Bonnie. I buy most of her clothes and Mrs Pearl was in the same shop! And it just was an accident you know, we started talking... about panty hose, she was saying... whatever that's not the point of the story but what the point is is that through this accidental meeting... it's like a Hitchcock movie you know where you're thrown into a rubber bag and put in the trunk of a car, you find people. You find them. Something, is is it karma? Maybe. But we found him, that's the important thing. And I got Bonnie a wonderful pantsuit.
-Corky St. Clair, Waiting for Guffman, imdb.com

According to my people what film won the first Best Animated Picture Academy Award? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include a poem about a kitchen. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Rick Pitino.

Have an okay rest of Sunday.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I was having a great time with the NCAA tournament until yesterday. Now what am I supposed to do? I suppose opening day is only nine days away. I want to get a Tigers hat but because I jumped on the bandwagon I don’t feel I’m worthy. However, I have a meeting set up with Jim Leyland to see if I can get some sort of pass because I was super loyal when I was a kid. I’ll let you know how that goes. No I won’t. I have no meeting and I prefer to suffer with no hat.

The Girl dropped my phone into cookie batter last night, cleaned it perfectly and didn’t tell me about it until she was sure it worked. They should dip every phone in batter. Call Starkist.

The cookies were chocolate chip cookies and I don’t like chocolate.

Number four.

Number five.

Number six.

Number seven.

Number eight.

Who is the only NCAA basketball coach to take three different teams to the Final Four? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include a little story about a giant lobster and a camera. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this wonderful auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Gibraltar.

Have a fine Saturday. Here is the first definition of Fine at Dictionary.com…1. of superior or best quality; of high or highest grade: fine wine.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Our dishwasher makes a terrible beeping noise when it is done doing the dishes. There are many times I let it beep for an hour instead of walking ten feet to turn it off. It is actually beeping as I type this. Now I am not getting up strictly out of principal. I bet the dishwasher is calling his friends right now. Or, her friends.

I stopped biting my nails because Lebron looks terrible when he does it. Sorry for being so mean to Lebron.

The last time someone said I was cute was about two months ago.

If you haven’t seen our current promotion it is worth checking out. Click on the Home Page and then click through to see the Mini Executive. I recommend reading the Product Info too.

My earliest memory is being in a fort. According to my analyst it is likely that in some past life I was a scoundrel of some sort. Really, I just wanted to say scoundrel and the fort thing seemed to be a wonderful fit.

I like the words mosaic, onslaught and nuance. Who cares?

Where did John Lennon and Yoko Ono get married? We are looking for a place such as London but the answer isn’t London. Or, maybe it is. Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was The Treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo.

Have a decent Friday.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I am back to shaking other human’s hands or giving some sort of high five (which doesn’t necessarily have to be high) instead of doing any fist pound type of thing. However, I am carrying Purell with me everywhere and offering it to anyone who really didn’t want to shake my hand. My goal is to somehow ruin everything.

I think I would try to be friends with Simon Cowell. I feel like he would say that I was trying too hard if I was on American Idol. I was going to say Idol instead of American Idol but I didn’t like the way it sounded.

Whoever invented the diamond business really fooled the world, don’t you think?

What treaty ended the Mexican-American War? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was The Pantheon.

Have an incredible Thursday.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I got a new pair of Etnies. So far, nine people have told me something along the lines of…

1. You are not cool enough to wear them.
2. You don’t wear them right.
3. It is such an obvious cry for help and attempt to regain your youth.
4. You can’t wear them with those pants.
5. You laced them up wrong.
6. You are too old to wear those.

Tournament begins again tomorrow. Here are my picks if you’re bored. Definitely bet against me. Betting is illegal so only bet for fun please.

Memphis +3
Kansas -9
UCLA -3
Vanderbilt +7.5

What ancient building inspired the Jefferson Memorial in Washington DC? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.
Yesterday’s answer was James Buchanan. The question was…who was the only US president to never have a wife?

Have the most fantastic Wednesday of your life.

Love the Madness
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I got the new Blackberry 8800. It is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I still can’t get the email to work. I spent no less than three hours on hold with Cingular yesterday before I hung up. Three hours is not an exaggeration even though exaggeration is a difficult word to spell.

I always fall asleep for about five minutes when an airplane is taking off. Please note this happens when I am on the plane as opposed to some sort of narcolepsy when any plane takes off.

The Girl and I are taking her nephew to something called Go Diego Go. I have no idea what Diego is. I’m guessing its chickens fighting to the death in dark alleys. Perhaps set to the music of Bye Bye Birdie. Needless to say I’m looking very forward to it.

Who was the only US president to never have a wife? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Wings.

Have a good Tuesday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Blake: We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?
[Holds up prize]
Blake: Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.

-Glengarry Glen Ross, imdb.com

Myra Fleener: You know, a basketball hero around here is treated like a god, er, uh, how can he ever find out what he can really do? I don't want this to be the high point of his life. I've seen them, the real sad ones. They sit around the rest of their lives talking about the glory days when they were seventeen years old.
Coach Norman Dale: You know, most people would kill... to be treated like a god, just for a few moments.

-Hoosiers, imdb.com

Who did Ali (or Cassius Clay) beat to become the world heavyweight champion for the first time? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include three Ali quotes and one quote about either a fork or a spoon. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Truman.

Have an okay Sunday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have a section on our MySpace page called We Couldn’t Think of What to Call this Section Section. We basically post something relatively interesting every day. I came close to making note of the section when we posted a picture of a squirrel dressed up like Uncle Sam holding a beer but I am pleased that I waited for this picture. I am certain the fact that I find it entertaining will mean that you won’t like it so I recommend skipping it entirely. Also, I believe my analyst would see the picture and remind me that I need to make myself feel better by making fun of other people. If you’re still interested please click here to check it out and click here here to link to our MySpace page.

Who was the President when the amendment limiting a President to no more than two terms was passed? Fortunately, today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include two presidential quotes and one quote about a tree. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this exciting auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Bob Hope.

Have an amazing Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have a mime coming to our shop in Birmingham, Michigan today. If I walked into a shop and saw a mime I’m pretty sure I would laugh for about a week which leads me to believe the event will be a total failure. There will be no talking allowed in the shop all day. Please click Billy Crystal and Dana Carvey played mimes in Spinal Tap to check out the promo.

Who hosted the first televised Academy Awards? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was The Dixie Chicks.

Have the forty-second best Friday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

1. I enjoy nothing more than drinking apple juice first thing in the morning and feeling the cold apple juice go through my esophagus and into my stomach.

2. I don’t like the way that previous sentence sounds but I couldn’t think of another way to explain it and I try to never use the word ‘thing.’ I am not sure where I would have included the word ‘thing’ but I thought I’d mention it anyway. I think I used to tell people that I met Cindy Crawford. I actually never met her but I did see her close up. Please note the esophagus thing doesn’t work with orange juice or water…just apple juice.

3. Tournament starts today. Should be the best day of my life.

What band most recently won the Grammy for Album of the Year, Record of the Year and Song of the Year? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was treason.

Have an incredible Thursday. Spend the day doing something really tedious.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Just in case you didn’t get the mailer we have 20% off any one item going right now. All you need to do is enter coupon code 200 when checking out and your stuff will go to 20% off the regular price. A bunch of brands are excluded. Perhaps not a bunch but about five. Please let me know if you want any more info. They told me to not include anything particularly interesting when discussing a 20% off coupon code if I couldn’t think of anything interesting to say. They did, however, say to mention that nothing interesting was included as a precursor to something else.

Tournament starts tomorrow. Thursday and Friday are the only good days of the year. This information is not to be considered the something else that was precusored to in paragraph one.

Thanks for coming out today.

What is the only law specifically mentioned in the US Constitution? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Bahamas.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Just in case you didn’t get the mailer we have 20% off any one item going right now. All you need to do is enter coupon code 200 when checking out and your stuff will go to 20% off the regular price. A bunch of brands are excluded. Perhaps not a bunch but about five. Please let me know if you want any more info. They told me to not include anything particularly interesting when discussing a 20% off coupon code if I couldn’t think of anything interesting to say. They did, however, say to mention that nothing interesting was included as a precursor to something else.

Tournament starts tomorrow. Thursday and Friday are the only good days of the year. This information is not to be considered the something else that was precusored to in paragraph one.

Thanks for coming out today.

What is the only law specifically mentioned in the US Constitution? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Bahamas.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency... I am folding the rags that lay on our counter differently now. I used to do four folds vertically and then have the two ends of the rag meet in the middle for one final horizontal fold. I am now doing a tri-fold vertically before the horizontal fold which results in more of a square as a final result instead of a rectangle which was listed as ‘yesterday’s news’ in the March issue of the Today’s OCD Magazine. I believe the tri-fold will save me about a hundred hours a year.

According to my people, where was crack cocaine first developed? I will be gone today so today is a very special Tuesday auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote about a piece of paper, one quote about a car and one quote about carpet. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this wonderful auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the US.

Have an okay Tuesday but assume that you’re okay is better than your next door neighbor’s pretty good day. Or don’t do that at all.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

1. I set a goal to not watch any television for a full week and I did it and it wasn’t so bad. I accomplished nothing by doing it and don’t feel better about myself in any way whatsoever.

2. The Girl is reading the book called The Secret. I am fairly certain she is going to end up in an asylum because of it. She is certain she saw Gwenyth Paltrow yesterday. If you don’t know anything about the book you are better off for it so don’t bother looking it up.

3. Please note the previous paragraph was reviewed and approved by The Girl Board of Review.

4. I spelled leech incorrectly on Saturday. Thank you to IValley for pointing it out.

According to my people what country consumes more oil than any other? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Montana.

Have the best Monday since Monday, September 20, 2004.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Dirk: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, all right?
Record Producer: No, you don't get the tapes until you've paid.
Dirk: In our situation, that doesn't make any f***ing sense.
Reed Rothchild: Look, we can not pay for the tapes, unless we take the tapes to the record company, and get paid.
Dirk: Hello? Exactly.
Record Producer: That's not an MP, that's a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it.
Reed Rothchild: Okay, now you're talking above my head. I don't know all of this industry jargon, YP, MP. All I know is that I can't get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a uh um oh, you own them, all right, but the magic that is on those tapes. That f***ing heart and soul that we put onto those tapes, that is ours and you don't own that. Now I need to take that magic and get it over the record company. And they're waiting for us, we were supposed to be there a half hour ago.
-Boogie Nights, imdb.com

What’s the fourth largest state in the US? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include one quote from someone who has been to Italy and two quotes about love. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this very special auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Spain

Have the most outstanding Sunday you’ve ever had. Consider getting yourself a hat.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

1. If you haven’t seen our current home page please check it out. I think it’s funny. I’m sure no one else does though.

2. I’m thinking about getting my teeth whitened but I was told that if you have a girlfriend or you’re married then you’re not supposed to improve yourself unless you plan on breaking up. The theory sounds reasonable so I am not sure why I want to get my teeth whitened. Perhaps I fear rejection and live in a world of denial. Perhaps I just want to go back to the dentist. I will discuss it with my dentist as well as my analyst asap.

3. I have gotten a leach on me twice in my life but nothing recently.

Theodore Roosevelt’s Rough Riders fought in the war against what country? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include one Hemmingway quote, one Penelope Cruz quote and a quote about soap. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

Have an incredible Saturday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Did you know that when boys have breakfast together they don’t talk at all? Only reading the newspaper is allowed. If you have breakfast with boys and they’re talking about anything other than what they read in the paper you should end the friendship. This only applies to all boys. Boys that have breakfast with girls have to talk which actually ruins everything. I suppose my point is that you should never eat breakfast again.

In 2005, what US National Park was visited by more people than any other? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was 2 minutes.

Have the best Friday since Friday, January 5th.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl and I have a great new rule. You are only allowed three complaints a day. Any complaint in excess of three results in a two minute massage for the other person. Fewer than three complaints results in getting massaged for two minutes. So, if The Girl complains five times today and I complain once I get an eight minute massage. I predict this lasts no more than a day. Probably not even a day.

Approximately how long did Lincoln’s Gettysburg address speech last…2 minutes, 4 minutes or 6 minutes? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was John Glenn.

Have the most amazing Thursday you’ve ever had please.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

1. We have the best contest ever this month for the biggest prize since we gave away a red footrest in 2002. Please click I’d Kiss Nelly Furtado to check it out.

2. I tried to relax last night. I had a glass of whiskey and put on some music and just sat there. It was boring and pointless so I stopped after about two minutes. Also, it wasn’t whiskey…it was port but whiskey sounded better for a second.

3. I used to have a pony tail.

Who was the first American astronaut to orbit the earth? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was George Washington.

Have a fantastic Wednesday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

1. Did you know ulterior is spelled ulterior and not alterior? I have already contacted my local congressperson about it.

2. We got a karaoke machine at Moosejaw. If you make any sort of error you have to sing. Yesterday, we got to enjoy Yellow Submarine, Landslide and a little Madonna. I’m hoping to mess something up so I can sing Endless Love or Mandy.

3. Garbage goes out tonight. What do you think would happen if I skipped a week? I bet I would die.

4. Number 4.

What US President signed the Post Office Act which established the US Post Office? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Connecticut. The question was… In what state was the first telephone book issued? We all have TP to thank for the whole ‘the question was’ thing.

Have a decent Tuesday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We went to The Girl’s sister’s house last night for dinner with her whole extended family. At one point one of the cousins, who is a freshman in high school, told me she thought I acted like a five year old who could use big words. I could have received no better compliment. Really.

In what state was the first telephone book issued? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Bwana Devil.

Have a pretty good Monday.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullsh*t in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
-Pulp Fiction, imdb.com

According to my people what was the name of the first 3D movie? In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from movies that were not in 3D and one quote about chairs. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Fujita Tornado Intensity Scale.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

There is nothing better than going to Starbucks and seeing someone you know and don’t want to talk to and he sees you and you know he sees you and you’re dreading the stop and chat until you realize that he is avoiding you as much as you’re avoiding him. The sense of relief is worth the misery of the potential stop and chat.

What is the name of the scale that measures the intensity of tornadoes? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer today’s auto-reply will include two quotes about the weather and one quote about soup. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Ringo Starr.

Have the beautiful Saturday. I got beautiful from the Thesaurus.

Love the Madness

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I got a crown yesterday. It was great. The dentist I go to has turned the notion of going to the dentist into something very positive. There is never a second wait, they take your jacket when you walk in, you get a flat screen TV or a stereo to enjoy in the dentist chair as well as a remote to control the massager in the chair. All of that is before the nitrous. I am not making any of this up and I am doubling my candy intake starting today.

Who was born Richard Starkey? If you look it up you'll definitely get it. I missed it. Who cares about me? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday's answer was President Teddy Roosevelt.

Have the best Friday of your entire life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have nothing to say today.

Who was the first US President to drive in a car, fly an airplane and also ride in a submarine? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Phantom of the Opera.

Have a terrific Thursday please. Terrific. Please. Terrific.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com