Moosejaw Daily Madness

We had our first softball game last night. I hadn’t mentioned it previously mostly because I am wearing an orange shirt right now. We are in two leagues this year. A coed league on Sunday night and a boys league on Tuesday nights. The coed team is 1-0-1 and is definitely better than the all boys team. I’m a boy. So is my brother and lots of other people.

After the first inning we were down 10-0 and I had forgotten how much I hated losing. After the first inning we were decent. We ended up losing the game but we outscored the other team after the first and I think we’ll be okay this year. I was the shortest human on the field.

That’s all.

What’s the windiest continent? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Houston.

Have a pretty good Wednesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

This is a guest Daily Remark from Jonny in Washington. I only wish I could take credit for this kind of intellect and concern for the future.

I wonder what David Archuleta is dressing up as for Halloween?

Postal workers in what US city are bitten by more dogs than any other? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was seven.

Have an okay Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I relaxed for a minute yesterday. I was just sitting in a chair outside doing nothing. Then, I couldn’t believe I was relaxing so I emailed myself about it so I could remember having done it and then I stopped relaxing. The minute was good but slightly overrated.

Among the nine oldest colleges in the US how many are Ivy League schools? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from people not named Mark who are alive and one quote from someone named Mark who is dead. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was No.

Have the best rest of Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him.
-Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard, The Fugitive

Is the Oscar award made of real gold? Today is an auto-reply day. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply. Really, that’s it.

Yesterday’s answer was Wyoming.

Have the best Sunday ever please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl and I went to a restaurant last night. It was one of those restaurants where human people go around with a mandolin and violin and guitar serenading ladies. They came to our table and, in the nicest way possible, I said we weren’t interested but The Girl is too nice and asked them to play. I’d say they stayed at the table for an hour and pretty much ruined everything. It was really about ten minutes but it seemed like an hour and it would have only been funny had they actually stayed for an hour. Then, of course, they wanted a tip and The Girl and I had exactly two dollars between us and the band didn’t take credit cards and they hated us.

What was the first state to allow women to vote? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a list of great punctuation marks as well as one quote by someone who is tall. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Kansas.

Have an alright Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Ladies and Gentleman…we have something for you to read. Actually, just so your expectations aren’t too high going in, especially considering I have never once used a ‘Ladies and Gentleman’ in the history of the daily remark, the click through gets you to an Internet Retailer article about Moosejaw. The article mentions nothing about hair, free form jazz dancing or soap.

Click Here If You’re Bored.

That’s all.

What US state has the most dams? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from artists who are boys and one quote from someone who I’m pretty sure is considered a Founding Father. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Joe DiMaggio.

Have a decent Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency - Now when The Girl wants to talk on the phone all night I turn my iPod up loudly enough that I can’t hear her. So, we can spend the night in the same room instead of separate rooms. We still email each other when we have something to say even though we’re sitting right next to each other…her on the phone and lap top and me listening to my iPod and on my lap top. It is the quintessential relationship in a world marked by too much talking and too many chairs.

Our current home page is worth checking out. Please click I hope it’s not just a pretty girl with some idiotic and totally shallow text to check it out.

This is a sanctioned section three.

In 1941, Ted Williams hit over .400. Who won the MVP of the American League that year? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Anti-Masonic Party.

Have a fine Thursday. Actually, really fine.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Did you know the original footrests were made for elbows? More specifically, other people’s elbows.

No one has ever used the runner thing on a jeep and walking on your tip toes doesn’t work.

I saw my eleventh grade math teacher yesterday. We both pretended not to see each other which couldn’t have worked out any better.

Please reread this sentence.

According to my people, what was the first third party to challenge the two party system for the presidency? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Mexico.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I got my haircut by a random human yesterday and it didn’t go particularly smoothly. Here are a few notes…

1. Before going to get my haircut I told The Girl I preferred that a girl cut my hair. When I walked in to the haircut place the only person working was a transvestite and I wasn’t sure whether he or she was a boy or a girl.
2. I still don’t know if the person who cut my hair was a boy or a girl.
3. Was number 1 or 2 above pc? Please don’t answer that. I have nothing at all against transvestites or anyone else for that matter except I don’t really like acquaintances.
4. I was the only customer in the hair cut place and the second I sat in the chair the worst, loudest dance-type, hair-cut place-style music came on. It couldn’t have been louder.
5. It had to be the haircut person’s first time ever cutting hair. My hair couldn’t be shorter. I look like a super ugly version of Josh Hartnett in Black Hawk Down.


That was a bad read.

According to my people, the longest running cooking show on TV airs in what country? It might air in more than just this country but it is associated with this country more than any other. This is a really fun question, don’t you think? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Nixon.

Have an okay Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I got a kink in my neck again this morning and it couldn’t be worse. I have showered twice, taken too much motrin, applied peppermint oil and used a heating pad. No really, I did apply peppermint oil…The Girl might use it for Reiki. Or, that might not be true. She’s probably having a full on Reiki, peppermint oil affair with some gorgeous Fabio-type dripping in beautiful gold chains. So far, nothing has worked for my neck. I’ll probably die. Please don’t celebrate my life or anything like that. I prefer everyone to be totally miserable for about twenty minutes.

Who was the first US president to visit China? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a list of all the hard candy that I like. I don’t really like hard candy so the list will be short and boring. We are absolutely not counting Starbursts as a hard candy but Menthos will be included. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was four.

Have the best rest of Monday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

This ain't pool. This is for bangers. Straight pool is pool. This is like hand-ball, or cribbage, or something. Straight pool, you gotta be a real surgeon to get 'em, you know? It's all finesse. Now, every thing is nine-ball, 'cause it's fast, good for T.V., good for a lot of break shots... Oh, well. What the hell. Checkers sells more than chess.
-Eddie Felson, The Color of Money

How many of the Top 25 top grossing movies at the box office of all times came out in 2007? Sorry for saying ‘top’ twice in that previous sentence and once in this one. Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from people named Michael and one quote about a big. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was The Philadelphia Warriors.

Have a decent rest of Sunday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I went to get an iPod Touch thing last night and was super excited about it and then decided not to get it because I couldn’t type on it. I will now be taking the option of getting finger tip circumference surgery very seriously. The anticipation of getting the Touch was way better than owning it could be so I think everything worked out perfectly. That’s all.

What team was Wilt Chamberlain playing for when he scored 100 points in one game? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from basketball players and one quote about lions. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was John Glenn.

Have the best rest of Saturday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

April 18th is the date Paul Revere made his famous ride from Lexington to Concord to warn everyone the British were coming. As far as I know we’re doing nothing at Moosejaw to celebrate which just doesn’t seem right.

So, I’m doing Buy 1 Long Sleeve Moosejaw Tee and Get a 2nd Long Sleeve Tee for Free. Just add any two Moosejaw long sleeve tees to your cart and enter coupon code 161 and the less expensive tee will be plain old Free. This will only work for today so please tell everyone.

That’s all.

Who was the first American to orbit the earth? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include a list of every book on my bedside table. The list of books is designed to make you like me less. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this tedious auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was the CBC.

Have an alright Friday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Fran in San Francisco just emailed these two pics. Definitely worthy of a guest daily remark.

Pic 1 is Tootie
Pic 2 is Fran

That’s all.

Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood first appeared on what television network? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was China.

Have the best Thursday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have the greatest contest ever this month. Please click You say that every month and it’s boring but I understand it’s sort of your thing and really writing about the fact that it’s your thing and making fun of it being your thing is really your thing and you are a true contrarian and I love you to check it out.

More of the top ten tallest buildings in the world are located in this country than any other. What is the country? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Dan Quayle.

Have the best Wednesday of your life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I just received the following email from a human friend…

A guy was standing outside Starbucks this morning in a bikini asking people to sign his body so he could win Red Wings tickets from a radio station. I wrote your e-mail address on his body. Click here for the picture even though the picture isn’t that good. I pray he emails you. Maybe not pray.

Who is the only Vice-President (who never served as President) to have a museum named after him? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Pluto.

Have an okay Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I saw an 80’s band Saturday night and it was great and I had one of those hangovers yesterday that you wish you could have had a lobotomy One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest-style and I knew wasn’t going to be better until today. There were so many great songs that it’s almost not fair to list any of them but some highlights included Total Eclipse of the Heart, You Don’t Have to Take Your Clothes Off, Take On Me and Jessie’s Girl. I will never miss a show again. That’s probably not true.

Clyde Tombaugh was credited for discovering what? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, I’ll list everyone I’ve talked to more than six times who has visited China. You probably won’t know any of the people on the list and I don’t think I can come up with more than one person so this may be a good day to skip the auto-reply. If you’re really bored please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Big Blue.

Have a pretty good rest of Monday but not great.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

April 13, 2008

Let's look at this thing from a... um, from a standpoint of status. What do we got on the spacecraft that's good?
-Gene Krantz, Apollo 13

The IBM computer that lost to Garry Kasparov in a six game chess match was named what? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three important quotes from robots. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Baltimore.

Have an incredible Sunday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I have a pretty good idea for the next time you’re on the elevator with another human person. This is a little complicated. Here we go…

• You press the floor you need to get out on. Let’s say it’s the fifth floor.


• The other human person on the elevator presses his floor. Let’s say it’s twelve.


• When the other person isn’t looking press some floor between five and twelve. Let’s say it’s the tenth floor.


• Get out on the fifth floor and laugh to yourself because….


• The other human will probably get out on the tenth floor instead of the twelfth floor by accident.

The system needs some unique circumstances to work but it is really great when it comes together so be patient. It only works when you’re on the elevator with one boy and make sure he cannot beat you in a fight. There should be no tricking ladies.

What was the first US city to be lit by gas? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes that are without any commas. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was Aaron Burr.

Have a really, really good rest of Saturday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have the best two new sections ever on the site and we’re already getting complaints about the concept, text and length of the text. Obviously, these are all good signs. Please click here and then here to check them out.

Who was the third vice president of the US? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include three quotes from people who may or may not like dessert and apple pie a la mode in particular. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was twice.

Have a decent Friday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

You’d think the best part of doing the laundry is taking all the lint off the thing in the dryer. That’s actually not true anymore. More recently, we’ve determined the best part of doing the laundry is the state of total relaxation one reaches while folding. Thanks so much.

How many times was Theodore Roosevelt married? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was The Wall Street Journal.

Have the greatest Thursday in the history of anything.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

We have the best new section ever on the site. Please click I can’t imagine it can be all that good to check it out.

The US Today has the highest circulation of any paper in the US. What paper has the second highest circulation? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the femur.

Have a decent Wednesday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Emergency…we did a photo shoot for a catalog and we took pics of a boy. The apocalypse is upon us. Really.

What’s the longest bone in the human body? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Hawaii.

Have the best Tuesday of your entire life.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

My friend Dave left me a voice mail last night. Instead of calling him back I am replying via the Daily Remark.

Dave - Got your message. No chance can I help you move anything this coming weekend. I’ll do it tonight if you want but if I have to think about doing something so awful for more than an hour my entire week will be ruined. I assume you hate me.

What US state has the fourth longest coastline? Today is an auto-reply day. In addition to the answer, today’s auto-reply will include two quotes from people who have eaten food and one quote from Mark Twain who probably also ate food. Please email me at Trapper@moosejaw.com for the auto-reply.

Yesterday’s answer was 33.

Have a decent Monday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I’ve been watching a little of the John Adam’s show on HBO and I can’t stand the fact that I’ve been unable to bring colonial wigs back in style even one bit. I see it as the failure of my life.

Yesterday’s answer was Humphrey Bogart.

Only one author has two books listed in the top ten best-selling paperback books for kids ever. Who is it? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Have an alright Friday please.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here are some quick but important notes…

• I just ordered espresso cups online. I thought I should open up about it.
  
  


• I almost didn’t run or go on the elliptical last night but then I figured something bad would happen to me and maybe everyone if I skipped a day so I ran.
  
  


• I have only smoked a half a cigarette in my life. It was in the back seat of my friend’s Lebaron. I imagine I looked a lot like Johnny Cade. Won’t be worth looking up Johnny Cade…He is the Johnny from The Outsiders. Remember “Let’s do it for Johnny.”
  
  


• I used to like turkey, carrots and rice but I can’t eat any of that anymore because they get stuck in my esophagus and I feel like I’m going to die.
  
  


• Thank you for joining us in Boring City today.

Who did the American Film Institute name as their greatest male screen legend? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Big Girls Don’t Cry.

Have a really, really good Thursday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• We have a Flickr think up at Moosejaw.com. Please click here to check it out. I have not tried to understand anything about Flickr but I think it has something to do with pictures. View it as a slide show. Or don’t.


• I’ve had to think so much already this morning I can’t stand it.

What was the most played song on the radio in 2007? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was Martin Van Buren.

Have the best Wednesday ever.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The person at the coffee shop this morning showed me and the person standing in line next to me his new tattoo on his calf and proceeded to explain the tattoo to us. I didn’t ask to see it and didn’t want to see it and I don’t think the stranger next to me wanted to either but she was real nice about it. I said nothing but here’s what the stranger said and I’m not making it up.

Wow. Your skin really took the tattoo. It looks beautiful.
-Stranger

Who was the first president to be born as a citizen of the US? Or, if you prefer, who was the first president born a US citizen? Please email your answer to me at Trapper@moosejaw.com.

Yesterday’s answer was the Army.

Have an alright Tuesday.

Love the madness.

Trapper
Moosejaw.com