Moosejaw Daily Madness

Dr. Imhaus: Doctor.
Austin Millbarge: Doctor.
Dr. Imhaus: Doctor.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Doctor.
Dr. Marston: Doctor.
Austin Millbarge: Doctor.
Dr. Marston: Doctor.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Doctor.
Karen Boyer: Doctor.
Austin Millbarge: Doctor.
Karen Boyer: Doctor.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Doctor.
Jerry Hadley: Doctor.
Austin Millbarge: Doctor.
Jerry Hadley: Doctor.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Doctor.
-Spies Like Us

According to my people, approximately how many stars are in the Milky Way? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Indonesia.

Have a terrible Sunday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I was bored last night so I practiced shutting the garage and then rolling under it just before it shut and I got crushed. I was pretty good at it but not great.

What countries has more volcanoes than any other? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Paris.

Have a great Saturday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I met a girl last night and I’m in love. She lives in Chicago which is perfect because I have no chance of having anyone like me who would see me more than once every two weeks or so. I predict we end up so in love that we write a book about our story. Actually, the chance I see her again is low. In fact, I’m breaking up with her now so I don’t have to endure another break up once she dumps me. One of life’s most important lessons is to always fear rejection. Okay. Thanks.

The Left Bank is located in what city? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Greece.

Have the best Friday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Going to a bar I’ve never been to tonight. I have a strong feeling I’ll be doing it before midnight. I just laughed. Three days in a row.

Which country is also called the Hellenic Republic? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an important auto-reply. Really. Yesterday’s answer was Uranus.

Have the best day ever.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

This is another true story. Second day in a row. A girl I know told one of my friends who is also a girl that she heard the old girl and I are on the outs and wanted to know if I am going out with other girls or something like that. Best day of my life. I was so close to not writing about it but I couldn’t help myself and figured it would be worth ruining potentially going out with The Girl II to write about it. Love writing The Girl II. I just laughed actually. Two great days in a row. Tomorrow is for sure going to be terrible.

What was the first planet discovered using the telescope? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply that should actually work today. Really. Yesterday’s answer was a kidney.

Have a decent Wednesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

This is a true story...

I went out of town a couple weeks ago. I went to Vegas and I won some money. Then, I lost the money but I actually lost it as in I couldn’t find it as opposed to losing it at the dice table.
I called every place I went and no one could find it so I thought it was gone forever.

Then, last night, I got a call from the hotel and it turns out that the housekeeper person found my cash in the room after I left and took it home and then felt bad about it and brought it back to the hotel. A friend of mine is in Vegas right now and he’s going to the hotel to pick up the cash today.

Can you believe it? This is going to be the best day ever for everyone. Really.

What was the first organ successfully transplanted from a cadaver to a live person? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for a special auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Vatican City.

Have a great Tuesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper

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Here are some important notes...

• Garbage Day today. I have so much less garbage than I used to. It’s a real joy. I’d say seventy-five percent less garbage, in fact. I’m meeting with the local garbage association to find out for sure.


• I’m considering getting some eye brow work done.


• Girls wear such giant sunglasses these days it’s hard to know who has a real case of the pretties anymore.


• I suggest that, aside from the airport, the grocery store is the best place to people watch. I’m trying to go a few times a week and just get a little bit of stuff each time…mostly Pop Tarts.

This is boring. Everyone’s boring though except for maybe Andy Sandberg and Pau Gasol.

What nation has the oldest army? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was James Garfield.

Have a memorable Monday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Don't be so naive, Torrance. Look, the truth is I was real hitter, ok? I did what I had to do to win a nationals. And ever since I handed the reins over to you, you've run my squad straight into the ground! If I made any mistake as a squad leader, it wasn't borrowing cheers. It was announcing you as my successor.
-Big Red, Bring It On

What U.S. president died 79 days after being shot? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply that will most likely work today. Yesterday’s answer was zero.

Have a good Sunday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I know for a fact my ex-girlfriend (formerly known as The Girl) is going out with another boy tonight because she’s going on some sort of double date with one of my friends who is disloyal and I don’t like him anymore. I hope everyone gets food poisoning.

On a less pessimistic note, I don’t think I’ve worn cologne since middle school and I’m a better dancer than my ex.

I wonder if my next girlfriend will be called The Girl. The Girl II might be nice.

How many people died at Three Mile Island? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was the wind.

Have a terrible Saturday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• We have the best contest ever this month. It’s all about shopping bags and the importance of friendship in a world marked by too many letters.
• My dog knocked down my next door neighbor’s birdhouse yesterday. I’m really good with tools so I’m sure I’ll do a great job fixing it.
• I was about to write that if The Girl was reading the previous bullet point she probably laughed but then I decided I’m way better off getting her completely out of my head.
• I’m a total wreck. No I’m not. Snap out of it you baby.

What is believed to be the first play that Shakespeare wrote? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Kenya.

Have a pretty good Friday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I almost accepted being set up on a blind date but then I couldn’t stop thinking about how terrible every moment would be from the time I said I’d go until I actually met the blind date girl. I’d go on a blind date if there was less than fifteen minutes between accepting the blind date and going on the blind date. Someone should start that business. I suppose it’s like prostitution with no money exchanged and no guarantee of doing it.

What country does the book Out of Africa take place in? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply that should be working. Yesterday’s answer was 90210.

Have a decent Thursday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

• This is the second day in a row I haven’t talked about The Girl on the Remark.
• I’m going to start following the directions on my shampoo. I think it could change everything.
• I’m back to using bullet points and worrying about the garbage which is a really good sign.
• I predict I marry the next girl I kiss.
  

What zip code was mentioned 301 times in the first five years of Entertainment Weekly? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. It’s been broken for some and we are doing our best to fix it. Promise. Yesterday’s answer was Oliver Stone.

Have a terrible Wednesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Here’s a copy and paste of the Remark I posted on November 4, 2003. I was so happy then. We all were.

I saw my eleventh grade English teacher when I was pulling into the gas station this morning. Instead of taking a chance that I would have to talk to him I pulled right out and decided to go to a different gas station.

What director earned a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart during his tour of duty in Vietnam? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Miles Davis.

Have a great Tuesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I’m still out of town. I haven’t seen The Girl and I still haven’t contacted her. I was going to call her, let it ring once and then hang up and hope that she would call me back but I decided not to. From now on, every time I get the urge to get in touch I’m calling one of my dumb friends instead who convinces me that getting in touch can’t possibly do me any good.

My guess is that my break up updates are getting boring but I don’t care. I mean that in the nicest way though.

Whose nickname is the Prince of Darkness? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was the water buffalo.

Have a terrific Sunday and they rarely say terrific.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Well, you know, Doc, when something happens, you can leave a trace of itself behind. Say like, if someone burns toast. Well, maybe things that happen leave other kinds of traces behind. Not things that anyone can notice, but things that people who "shine" can see. Just like they can see things that haven't happened yet. Well, sometimes they can see things that happened a long time ago. I think a lot of things happened right here in this particular hotel over the years. And not all of 'em was good.
-Dick Hallorann, The Shining

Where does Italian Mozzarella cheese come from? And when I say come from, I mean which animal. Really. Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Columbia.

Have a great Sunday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I’m writing this on Friday night even though you’re reading it on Saturday. I don’t like the sound of that sentence but I’m not changing it.

I’m completely off the pills I took a couple days ago and the brain cloud is gone.

I’m on a plane right now. I had to get out of Michigan. The Girl probably had to leave too and I’m going to end up seeing her out of town and she’ll be with some boy and I’ll end up falling in love with Mila Kunis just like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

The lady on the plane sitting next to me right now has been playing with her car keys non-stop. I can’t turn my iPod up loud enough to make it not incredibly annoying. I’m not going to say anything to her just to see if I can endure it. Actually, I’m going to pretend I like it. Maybe by the end of the flight everyone will be playing with keys.

Okay. That’s all.

What's the only South American country that has both a Pacific and a Caribbean coast? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an inspirational auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was El Salvador.

Have a decent Saturday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The pills I took yesterday were way too strong. I slept great but I’ve been in a full-on brain cloud ever since. The pills will be great for going out at night but I can’t stand being so numb during the day. I’ll be calling the doctor this morning to change everything. I haven’t spoken, texted or emailed The Girl in days. I also unsubscribed her from the Daily Remark. I hope she’s sad and crying right now.

What's the only Central American country without a coastline on the Caribbean? Please email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Europe.

Have a decent Friday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl and I are still broken up.
I’m on two different kinds of pills and so far it’s going pretty well.
I’ll never go out with another girl. It’s way too difficult.
The Girl probably has boys draped all over her right now. Boys are horrible.
If I wasn’t all sedated I’d for sure be ready to throw up right now.

What continent boasts the most telephone lines- Europe, Asia or North America? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this auto-reply where I’ll be heavily medicated. Yesterday’s answer was the Confederate States of America.

Have a better Thursday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Q: I lost my job and I’m not sure how to support my girlfriend. Is it ok if she pays for some dinners?

A: Of course. If she’s your girlfriend long term, you’re a team. If it’s a new thing, she may be a little put off but it may also tell you something about your relationship and her as a person. Just be open and honest so she understands your feelings and where you’re coming from.

LTM,

DG

Moosejaw.com

The Dating Girl and all of its related content are meant for entertainment purposes only and do not contain professional or other advice. The views, opinions, points of view and comments expressed by the Dating Girl are not intended to provide professional or other advice and are not those of Moosejaw Mountaineering and Backcountry Travel, Inc.

The Girl and I are breaking up. I’m not joking.

What vehicle was invented to stop trench warfare? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply that will be the worst one ever. Yesterday’s answer was Mikail Gorbechev.

Have a terrible Tuesday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Fade in to the Moosejaw Café...

Me – How’d it go at lunch? Did you talk about me?
Other Person – Yeah, it went great. Seamless really.
Me – Good.
Other Person – Could you talk about me with The Girl during dinner tonight?
Me – For sure. If she hasn’t dumped me we’ll talk about the catalog. It’ll be a great segue.
Other Person – Ok. But could you do it without the fade in.
Me – Probably not.

Fade out...

I’d fade back in to The Girl and I at dinner but that dinner didn’t happen. More to come tomorrow.

Who was the last president of the Soviet Union? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for three quotes from people named Frank. Yesterday’s answer was a net.

Have a great Monday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

Teenager: Are you a cop?
Fletch: As far as you know.
Teenager: Are you gonna take me to jail for car theft?
Fletch: Why? Did you steal the car?
Teenager: I sure did.
Fletch: Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime anymore. There've been a lot of changes in the law.
-Fletch

According to my people, gladiator’s were armed with three weapons, a dagger, a spear and what else? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Gerald Ford.

Have a fantastic Sunday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

I suggest that bringing the garbage in from the street is worse than taking it out.

Each is equally stressful. Either way you sit around all day at work knowing you have some garbage work to do when you get home. But, at least when you take the garbage out its heavy and awkward and there’s some sense of accomplishment when you’re done. When you bring the empty cans back in from the street it’s nothing more than just a pain.

I hope this information was helpful.

What president was shot while walking to California Governor Jerry Brown's office? Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for an auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Mona Loa.

Have a good Saturday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com

The Girl and I have not ended everything so I just did a survey and it turns out that no one in the world likes grape jelly. So, if that’s true, why is there always an abundance of grape jelly at breakfast places? I’m thinking it’s some sort of conspiracy.

Wait, please change everything. Sofie, who works at Moosejaw and usually has an extra granola bar on her, likes grape jelly. I think it’s safe to assume that Sofie is a part of the conspiracy which means that we actually shouldn’t change anything so please ignore the first sentence of this paragraph.

Thank you.

What mountain is the largest on earth? When I say large, I mean total size, not height. Email your answer to Trapper@moosejaw.com for this important auto-reply. Yesterday’s answer was Amman, Jordan.

Have a decent Friday.

Love the Madness.
Trapper
Moosejaw.com